


our budding roses

by littlelooneyluna



Series: pushing up daisies [2]
Category: robron
Genre: Angst, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Mpreg, daddy!Robron, the vaguest sex scenes ever lmao
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-06
Updated: 2019-05-06
Packaged: 2020-02-26 17:37:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 23,090
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18721786
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlelooneyluna/pseuds/littlelooneyluna
Summary: Robert and Aaron adjust to parenthood before a face from the past threatens their happiness.





	our budding roses

**Author's Note:**

> so as i promised, this is the second part of the my series 'pushing up daisies' which you sort of should read before this one just for context. this instalment includes everything addressed at the end of the last fic which was only mentioned. it's angsty in a different way than the last one was, read the tags and try to enjoy!

Aaron comes home on a Saturday. He’s got Evie in her yellow blanket and it’s her first Christmas already. Robert likes to think of it as their first Christmas too despite not really having anywhere to themselves.

Aaron’s flat lease runs out on Boxing Day because he thought he wouldn’t need it anymore after that. It means that they’re officially homeless, the both of them, with a little girl to look after.

Robert should care, he should really care about it as he drives them away from the hospital and they stop off at a lay-by. It isn’t their special one but the sentiment is there nonetheless and Aaron smiles a little faintly as he tilts his head up at Robert.

“I’m serious Rob.” He worries his lip and looks back to where Eve is sleeping in her car seat. 

Robert runs a hand across Aaron’s face. “It’s Christmas.” He shrugs. “Don’t look so worried.” He says easily and Aaron shakes his head lightly. “We’ll get a place, for now we can stay at the B&B or something.” He shrugs and Aaron just nods.

He still looks exhausted, Robert’s secretly cautious about him pushing himself too far considering what he’s been through. He shouldn’t really be worrying about anything.

Robert wants to keep it that way. 

Aaron looks wearily down at his phone and then smiles. “It’s Cain, wants to know when the Sugden sprog is being introduced to the family.” 

Robert frowns for a second and then he smirks. “Nice.” He says. “I should get used to that shouldn’t I?” 

Aaron nods a little, bites his lip and Robert can tell that he’s overwhelmed, he probably never really thought he’d have to mention the baby to anyone after he’d given birth. Now everything’s changed completely.

“It’ll be fine.” Robert smooths a hand across Aaron’s thigh gently. “I don’t know about you but I’m starving as well. And it’s ...”

“Christmas yeah.” Aaron says, he rolls his eyes just a little and Robert thinks he’s done something wrong before Aaron brings his face towards his and kisses him. “Come on, let’s go.” 

 

—

 

Cain naturally gives them a lot of stick. Well not stick, he isn’t angry, he’s just more amused about it than anything else.

“She’s cute though.” He says, peaks his head down as Robert holds her. “Shame about your involvement.” 

Moira slaps him lightly on the arm and then brushes a hand against Eve’s hair.

“It’s an adorable name too.” 

“Yeah, in case you forget her birthday.” Sam says, it’s all lighthearted really and Robert smiles faintly as he feels Aaron’s hand against his shoulder.

“I don’t think we will Sam.” Aaron says, he looks down at Eve and smiles before the door opens and his mum stands there.

She hadn’t been back to see them after. Paddy said she was a little overwhelmed and that she’d see them soon and Robert refrained from calling it all bullshit. He stopped himself for saying that she can be a really shit mother when she wants to be. Mainly because he knows that it’s his fault, that she would be all over Aaron and Eve if she wasn’t his child too. 

She has antler’s on and Charity behind her, waving her arms about and making silly noises as she looks at Eve and calls her precious. She shoves Noah and says he’s in charge of photos and she’s more excited than Chas. Charity, famous for not having a particular interest in her own kids. 

“Can I get a squeeze then?” Chas asks, and it occurs to Robert that she’s not held her properly yet. Then it occurs to him that Andy and Vic have no idea either. As soon as Aaron goes to take her from his arms he sees Vic barging in. 

She looks like she wants to throttle him and he can only stare awkwardly.

“Wow. So it’s true then?” Vic’s donning a pair of elves ears and he can’t take her seriously until she whips them off and comes further towards her brother. “A baby? Your ... you two have a baby?” 

Robert stands slowly, “Vic this is ... Eve.” He says, and he looks sorry, he knows he does because it stretches out all over him. She shakes her head slightly and then she sighs, tells him they’ll discuss this later in a really child proof voice. 

“Can I —“ she says and Eve rests comfortably in her arms.

Chas can wait her turn.

 

—

 

Chas stays for lunch, and for the most part she doesn’t scowl in Robert’s direction. He hears her talking to Aaron when she finally gets hold of Eve and she mostly asks how he is like she didn’t just see him yesterday. He watches him talk back until his face changes, almost clouds a little and he says that they’ll speak later.

“Everything good?” Robert asks, Eve is over his shoulder as he tries to eat and feels Aaron hold at his thigh under the table like he needs to know he’s there. Aaron nods wordlessly and they enjoy themselves, they actually do.

Even with Sam asking the world’s most weird awkward questions in the world.

“So uh ... you actually had the baby _in_ you?” He asks, Lydia turns bright red and even Samson seems to understand but Sam? Not so much.

“Yeah. In me.” Aaron says awkwardly. “Not anymore though.” He almost jokes and Sam just frowns.

“Yeah ‘cause Robert’s holding her.” He says. “It is Robert’s isn’t it?”

“Of course it is.” Lydia says, tries to laugh but it comes out more like a nervous high pitched squeal.

“Well it’s not like they were together together.” Sam argues, “They were an affair and all that.” 

All that.

Chas’ knife and fork clatter against her plate like she’s frustrated by it all and Aaron looks serious suddenly. 

“Well we’re together. Properly.” Aaron looks at Robert and smiles. 

Robert smiles back and they’re in their own little bubble until Chas asks where they’re going to stay.

“B&B.” Robert says, and apparently that’s ridiculous when Aaron still has his room at the pub. “Hardly the best place to raise her.” He says.

“Better than forking out.” Aaron says, and maybe he’s got a point then. 

Maybe this is Chas waving a large white flag in their faces. He decides to take it.

—

 

They stay for a little while longer, Eve manages to sleep through most of the mayhem and Robert enjoys a snowball after he gets over the weird texture. 

Vic comes back, she’s on this promise of finding out everything and they’re given some privacy when they go up to Samson’s room. 

“Why didn’t you tell us about her?” Vic says, she has a hand across Eve’s soft little face. 

Robert sighs. “I don’t know.” He says heavily. “For a while I didn’t even know if she was mine, Aaron kept saying she —“

“So you’ve known for months then?” Vic’s eyes widen slightly. “That’s why Aaron just ... left?” She shakes her head. “Adam’s not very ha —“

“Who cares about that?” Robert snaps a little because surprisingly he doesn’t care about Adam’s feelings in all of this. “He nearly died yesterday Vic.”

“What?”

“He was bleeding out.” Robert looks down at Eve. “I thought she’d never know how amazing her daddy is and ... I’m sorry I didn’t tell you but it was complicated okay?”

Vic sits on the edge of the bed and watches as Eve manages to hold onto her hand. A day old and she already loves her auntie. 

“She’s beautiful.” She says, he knows she’s angry at him but that manages to melt away. 

“Thanks.” Robert whispers, he watches Eve’s bright eyes flicker a little and then he smiles. “I’m sorry for not ...”

“Diane would love to see her, and Doug.” He thinks of that advice he gave him and how it helped. He warms a little. “Even Andy would ...”

“Now you’re being silly.” Robert says and she lets it go. He just watches her staring down lovingly at her niece and then she kisses her head. “Merry Christmas princess.” She says, like she’s still in awe of it all.

There’s so much unsaid, so much left for days to come, he knows that.

Vic bites her lip. “You and Aaron ... you’re ...”

“Yeah.” Robert’s head dips, he still can’t actually believe his luck. 

Vic just smiles. “I knew you were in love with him.” It’s all she says.

 

—

 

Lydia gives them a little card, My First Christmas one and it makes Robert nearly cry. It really starts Aaron off, tears swimming in his eyes as he says his head is all over the place and Robert gets it.

They go back to Chas’, the pub is quiet considering the day and they spend the whole night staring down at their daughter and watching her breathe.

She lays in the middle of them and Aaron fusses over the possibility of squishing her.

“Think she’d have something to say about it.” He says, because she suddenly starts crying and Aaron has to hold her towards his chest and pat her back a few times. 

“I know I know.” Aaron says, still patting her back, he’s a natural, he already is a natural at this fatherhood malarkey. “What?” Aaron asks because he’s clearly caught Robert staring. 

“You’re amazing you know, I don’t know why you ever doubted yourself.” 

Aaron doesn’t seem to like that, he crinkles his nose up slightly and then soothes a hand across Robert’s face. “You’re not so bad either.” He says and then he looks down at her again. 

“This doesn’t feel real. Any of it.” Robert says, “Keep thinking I’ve dreamed all of this.”

Aaron’s eyes flicker. “Well get used to it.” He says.

Robert looks around everywhere, the pokey small room of Aaron’s used to be a place where they’d spend half an hour to have sex. Clothes on the floor forgotten about and Aaron’s mouth firm against his.

Now their daughter lays between them.

He’s really going to have to get used to this, he can’t wait.

 

—

 

He wakes up alone the next day, he feels about for Aaron and realises that he probably won’t be hugging him. He expects Eve there though at least and when she isn’t, he panics, thinks he’s dreamt it all or something. 

But then he hears Aaron’s gruff voice, the sound of plates, cutlery, Chas. He nearly joins them and then he stops when he hears them arguing. 

He hears his name and it’s enough to get him to stop.

He hears Chas argue that he’s only still with Robert for the sake of Evie. 

He decides to slip out instead, he was meaning to see Diane anyway.

 

—

 

Aaron just stands there in shock at first, he was a fool to think that she’d actually come round to the idea that they were together properly now but clearly not.

Evie’s over his shoulder and he wants to keep her close, desperately close and away from Chas and her negativity.

“He’s a dirty cheat Aaron!” 

It’s like she’s a record player stuck on the same song.

Eve gurgles against him and he sees Robert in her eyes. “He’s her dad as well.” He says, bite and everything in him. “Don’t talk about him like that, you can’t do that anymore.”

“Because he helped make her? Please Aaron.” Chas says, “Is that why all of this is happening?” 

And apparently he’s only really with Robert for Eve’s sake.

“Mum I love him.” Aaron stresses, he doesn’t need this at all really, they hardly got any sleep last night with her crying and his head aches. “When are you going to see that?”

“I do see it!” Chas shouts, pained with frustration. “That’s what scares me.” She shakes her head. “Darling, he’s still married.”

Aaron’s eyes dart slightly. “They’re divorcing.” He says.

Chas sighs. “You think he’ll just walk away? From that life, that business?”

It’s all this gnawing doubt inside him that tells him to agree but then he suddenly fights against it and sees Robert coming back every single time. He sees him distraught and thinking he’d lost him for good. 

“I gave him so many chances to walk away from us.” Aaron pulls Eve up towards him, gently rocks her in his arms. “But he stayed with me, he said he loved me ...” His eyes flicker, and his chin starts wobbling as Eve pushes an arm up and it touches his mouth. He smiles down at her and then up towards his mum. “We’re a family mum. Please don’t ruin it for me.”

 

—

 

Diane takes the news better than he thought she would, she’s more confused than angry and he has to explain that him and Chrissie really are over.

“Well she hardly cared when I was shot so I don’t think we were ever on the brink of getting back together anyway.” He sips at his coffee and sighs awkwardly when Diane asks where Eve is. “Aaron’s got her, he’s having out with Chas.”

“Should I go have a word?” Diane asks, and he warms under the thought of her singing his praises or whatever the equivalent could be. He shakes his head though, looks into his pocket and gets his phone out.

“I’ve got about a million photos.” He says, leans over and beams slightly as she gasps through them all. 

“So you and Aaron then ... official?”

Robert breathes in, he realises that he’s not even made peace with who he really is yet but it doesn’t seem to matter now. He just nods and she smiles and that’s all he focuses on until the door goes and Aaron stands there with a hoodie thrown over him and Eve in her buggy.

Diane practically claws her way to the baby and Aaron willingly hands her over as he looks towards Robert. He asks for a word and Robert goes, they hover in the kitchen and Aaron sighs. 

“Did you hear me and my mum?”

Robert doesn’t want to be a liar anymore. “Her thinking you’re only with me for Eve’s sake? Yeah I heard that.”

Aaron comes a little closer and he delicately grazes Robert’s hand. “Well did you hear the part after that?” Robert frowns slightly. “I said that ... that I love you and that’s why I’m with you. Simple as.”

Robert feels his heart thud.

“Me, you and her. That’s it.” Aaron shrugs. “No one’s stopping us okay?” 

Robert gulps hard around how much he feels and then he kisses Aaron hard and only moves away when Diane says she wants a photo with her.

 

—

 

Somehow the weeks go by and Eve isn’t injured by him. In fact, she clings to his clothes and sticks her fingers in his mouth and everything.

She knows him he thinks, he knows psychologically that she’s still at the phase where anyone could be anyone to her but it doesn’t feel that way.

She’s starting to look out for them almost when they’re with other people, only really settles for Vic, Chas and Doug and that’s the weird hilarious part about it.

A few days ago she was sick over Adam just as he was going on about how much sex a bloke needs to be having to get pregnant. It’s been the highlight of their week. 

 

—

 

Robert’s bathing her and she’s not screaming her head off so it’s all great, he shakes her a little and watches her eyes widen and then he feels eyes on him.

“What are you doing?” Aaron asks, head tilted by the door. He’s got a lot of colour back into him, he’s got the gel back in his hair and everything. It’s almost like he didn’t pop out a kid less than a month ago. 

“Drying her off.”

“There’s a towel there.” Aaron points to Eve’s one, embroidered and everything but Robert shakes his head.

“Then I’d have to get it with one hand and leave her in and then take her out and ...”

Aaron shakes a hand in front of his face. “Whatever you say.” He says, a soft smile on his face. Robert realises, he sees how content he looks now.

He looks so happy he could burst sometimes.

Robert wraps the towel around her after she’s practically dry and Aaron watches him cream her and stick her baby grow back on.

“You’re getting good.” Aaron says, sprawled out on the bed looking at Eve. “Poppers on right and everything.”

Robert frowns. “I’m not completely incapable.” He says. “Regardless of what your mother thinks.”

It’s the right side of frosty at the moment. Chas isn’t chucking him out but she’s also waiting for him to bolt any second now so that’s always nice to have in the background.

The room is getting smaller by the day but it’s theirs at least. A small little sanctuary away from the noise of it all until Eve screams her lungs out.

“She’ll lay off ya soon.” 

Robert picks Eve up and she lulls against his shoulder as she drifts off. “Let’s hope before Evie starts school eh?”

Aaron smiles, rolls his eyes and leans up to kiss Robert’s cheek. “You’re so dramatic.”

Only it doesn’t sound _that_ dramatic.

 

—

 

Robert successfully changes a nappy about three and a half weeks in. It’s not like it’s been hard, he just never seems to be able to do it tight enough so ten minutes later it’s by her ankles.

Aaron claps, makes all these stupid sounds and then kisses Robert. There’s this buzz between them. “Knew you could do it.”

Robert feels embarrassed, “Only took me ...”

“I knew you’d be an amazing dad.” And suddenly the levels hit another surface he wasn’t expecting, his eyes flicker a little against it. 

“Aaron ...”

“That was — it wasn’t in doubt. I knew you’d love her.”

“Of course I would, she’s a part of you.”

“And you.”

Robert huffs. “God help her.” He says, because maybe his whole life is different now but that self loathing still knows her place. 

Aaron pulls him by the chin and gazes. “I never thought you’d want me, want this, this time last year ...”

Katie.

It’s all he has to say. 

Robert clears his throat. “I know.”

“But you proved everyone wrong. You stepped up. You’re a _dad_ to her, the best.” He’s being so nice and Robert can’t handle it so he makes it all into a big joke until Aaron catches his mouth and makes him see stars for a second.

When he’s quite done, and Eve has somehow managed to stay asleep through it all, he looks up from the floor and smiles.

“Don’t ever doubt yourself.” He says, pants just slightly. “Not over me or her.” 

The sincerity in his eyes is enough to make Robert nod wordlessly.

 

—

 

They’ve got this father and daughter classes thing that Lydia’s got them in touch with, Laurel says it’s amazing and Nicola wishes them good luck so that’s all they’ve got to go off as they get Eve in the car.

She’s really filling out now, nearly six weeks old and a pudgy little angel. It’s what Aaron calls her when it’s three in the morning and she gets off to sleep straight after her bottle. 

“You think this’ll be fun?” Aaron asks as he settles her in and then looks at Robert. Robert goes to answer and then sees Andy. 

He knows about Eve because it’s a small village and it wasn’t a secret to keep from him but that’s all. He just knows she exists just like he knows Robert exists and he goes about his day. 

“Rob?” Aaron asks over the car, Robert shakes himself, suddenly wishes that he hated Andy and didn’t care that he ignored his daughter’s presence, but it’s not that easy. “Hey, you okay?”

Robert nods, “Yeah let’s ... let’s go.” He says before getting in the car and watching Andy walk towards the cafe.

 

—

 

Eve’s eyes change colour, they get greener and it’s crazy but apparently still completely normal. She’s changing everyday unlike Chas, she still thinks he’s going to run out on them. 

He won’t. He can’t even imagine how parents do that.

He can’t imagine how _she_ did that. 

Eve pushes a hand into his mouth and he laughs down at her, watches Aaron tilt his head and watch lovingly by the door. He still doesn’t quite believe Robert’s here either, that he’s stepped up this much for them when a he had only a couple of months to prepare. 

Robert smiles up at him, there’s a softness about the way they look at each other now and it’s so far removed from how they used to look at each other. They speak through their looks now, not just come here I’d like to fuck you, they’re maturer than that apparently.

They have a _kid_.

 

—

 

Robert has his mouth stretched over Aaron’s as they move, Aaron’s eyes are fucking wide open and Robert tilts his head to look towards Eve.

She’s got these massive headphones on like she’s in a stadium and Aaron teased that they’re not _that_ loud but it’s working fine.

“Harder.” Aaron says, he reaches down and pulls Robert even closer towards him, then rolls his eyes back and then Eve cries and the moments gone just like all the other moments. “Maybe next time?” He says as Robert pulls out and mutters something about needing a cold shower as Aaron tends to her.

They’ve taken to tired blowjobs whilst they get Eve’s three am bottle done.

It’s the height of their sex life really.

“Remember when uh we used to have sex in fancy hotels?” Aaron asks as they watch Eve feed and they sit on the sofa. Sometimes they like to pretend Chas and Diane don’t live here too, especially now, in the quiet of the dark.

Chas’ getting better at ignoring him and being good with Eve but still, forgetting is nice sometimes. 

Robert strokes a hand through Eve’s hair, it’s turning darker now, curling slightly. “Yeah, of course I do.” He says.

“That was nice.” 

“Not as nice as this though.” Robert says.

Aaron’s eyes flicker. “You really mean that?” 

It’s like he won’t ever really believe it. Robert leans over Eve and smiles, cups Aaron’s face and kisses him gently. 

“I really mean that.”

“We don’t even have a house.” Aaron says, “We’re living in my mum’s pub and she hates you.” He worries his lip a little and Robert ruffles a hand through his hair. 

“You don’t though.” Robert says, shrugs slightly. “Never thought that would be possible.” His heart thuds. “You ... and me.” 

Aaron nods. “I never did.” He says, Robert frowns. “Hate you.” He says. “Not properly anyways.”

Robert doesn’t want to hear this, knows that he’s shielding him from his pain. “Aaron. You had every single right to ...”

“Even when I was inside, when you were in that coma ... I didn’t — I thought the worst but having her ...” he looks down at their little girl and her nose crinkles just slightly. “It was like you still were with me, you got me through it.”

Robert’s eyes glisten, he feels loved.

 

—

 

Of course they argue and of course Aaron throws Eve’s bottle at him when he won’t get out of bed to feed her.

“You said you would!” Aaron grumbles, he’s falling over a pile of teddies and nearly dislocates his shoulder as Eve cries the place down.

“I’m tried.” Robert says as he gets up on the bed. “No need to throw a bottle at my —“

“Just get on with it.” Aaron passes Eve over and she cries her eyes out, tears rolling down her face as she reddens. 

Robert tries to soothe him, tries his hardest to stop her from having her little breakdown but it’s no use because he’s still half asleep.

The next thing he knows, Aaron’s taking her like he’s incapable and he’s calling him a bastard as he slams the door shut and gets down the stairs.

Robert doesn’t dare to go back to sleep. He sits up in the bed and hears Chas downstairs helping Aaron. He sighs hard against it, it’s three in the fucking morning so sue him for being tired. 

He’s trying to get back into work. 

It’s not working out that well. No one wants to do business with him.

Fuck Chrissie White.

It’s all he can think about until he sees Aaron coming back in with Evie, she’s fast asleep in his arms and Robert’s never felt so useless.

But Aaron doesn’t even look angry anymore, he just sits on the bed and bites his lip. “Sorry for calling you a bastard.” He says softly.

And then he kisses it away.

 

—

 

He’s got Eve babbling away in her pram and Doug in his ear going on about giving her carrot juice. 

“Carrot juice?” Robert moves the pram back and forth and then frowns. “Can you give a baby carrot juice?” 

“You can give it nightmares when you’re you.” He turns and sees Chrissie. She looks good, well rested, sun kissed and everything. She also looks like she wouldn’t spit on him if he was on fire. 

“Chrissie.” He panics slightly, wonders just how awful he looks and then he straightens his back and gets a grip. He’s got nothing to be panicked about, nothing to fear at all. “Didn’t realise you were back.”

“Just briefly.” Chrissie says and Robert feels protective as he looks down at Eve’s pink pudgy cheeks and then up again. “In the hope of divorcing you as quickly as possible.” 

Robert nods. “You won’t get any trouble from me.” He says. He looks seriously as he speaks but she only laughs. “I’m serious.”

“Well you did knock someone up didn’t you? I don’t think you have a leg to stand on.” Her arms are crossed, sunglasses stupidly on her head like it’s still sunny here. “Poor kid.”

“Don’t.” He says, this protectiveness taking over him and he thinks about Lachlan, Chrissie’s words about that instant love she felt for him. He seems to understand her madness a little more. “Just don’t bring her into any of this.” 

Chrissie looks towards the side and then back again. “She’s just the constant reminder of the man you are though isn’t she?” 

And that, it fucking hurts.

 

—

 

Maybe he has a little think about it for too long, maybe she fucks with everything in his head and maybe Aaron walks on in him staring out the bedroom window like a loser.

“I just saw Chrissie.” He says as he comes in and Robert spins round. “She wished me good luck.”

Robert blinks. “You need it don’t you.” He says. “With me being ...” he huffs out a sigh and walks towards Aaron before holding him close and making Aaron ask what’s happened. 

“She just mentioned Eve, what ... what she represents, reminds me ... how I’m a cheat.”

Aaron’s lip twists as he bites it and then his eyes flicker slightly. “Robert ...”

“She’s right Aaron.” 

“She’s not.” Aaron snaps. “We loved each other, yeah it was an affair but it meant something to us didn’t it? She was made out of love.”

Robert’s eyes turn glassy. “I did, I loved you, I loved you when —“

“I know you did.” Aaron gulps hard. “I convinced myself the same thing too, that she was a result of all my — everything you’d done to me, all the pain but it wasn’t like that.” He looks serious suddenly. “It wasn’t like that Robert.”

Eve gurgles in her pram and Aaron looks back at her. 

“See, she agrees with me." 

Robert stays silent, nods just slightly and then holds at Aaron’s shoulders before hugging him tightly. 

 

—

 

Chrissie’s dragging her heels over it all of course, she’s making it impossible and Robert’s taking all her anger and knowing he can’t do anything about it.

He feels like shit when he comes back to the pub and Chas throws him a look like she hates that he can just swing around the bar and go through the back whenever he wants.

Because it’s his home too now.

He walks in to see Aaron sprawled out on the sofa with Eve on his chest. He’s asleep but Eve is slapping at his face and demanding his attention.

She hits out a little harder and Aaron sits abruptly, grips onto her and then looks at Robert who’s standing like some weirdo watching them. Aaron does it all the time though, he can’t judge. 

“You look stressed.” Aaron wipes at his eyes and bounces Eve on his lap. “Chrissie still not being fair?”

Robert sighs hard and sits down on the sofa with them. “No.” He sighs. “I don’t deserve her to be but ...” he looks at Eve and she suddenly grabs at Aaron’s beard and he swears against it.

And then she laughs. 

She hasn’t laughed before now but she sticks her hand in her mouth and proper laughs. 

Robert gasps playfully before picking her up and bouncing her up and down. She keeps laughing against it, tires herself out against it.

“That was the best.” Robert mumbles as she stares up at him.

“She can always make things better can’t she?” Aaron touches her soft curls and then sighs. “Always calms me down.”

Robert nods.

“She’ll back down eventually.” Aaron reassures him.

He knows she has to, it just feels really far away and he can’t handle the stress of it all. He’s thinking about it again, tensing just slightly when Eve smiles at him. 

Like proper smile.

She’s just laughed at Aaron and smiled at him and nothing else really matters in the world.

Soon his mouth aches from all the smiling he’s doing.

 

—

 

Eventually they settle it. A few months go by and they get a divorce, he gets a settlement, Lawrence gets him out of the business with a simple pay check and it’s enough to get them the Mill. 

Aaron chips in, he says it’s too expensive for them, he stresses about it but he uses his savings. He lightens Robert’s load or whatever and they actually have a house. 

“Can’t believe this.” Aaron says, he looks around with his mouth wide open and he looks beautiful. He’s got Eve on his hip because she’s getting big enough for that and she seems to be just as impressed. “She gets her own little room.” He says.

“Better get out that yellow paint again. Unless she wants another colour? Hmm? You want another ...” Eve reaches out for him and giggles, her head finds itself in Robert’s neck and she rests there whilst they look around.

Aaron looks lovingly around the place, he gets up on the kitchen counter and arches an eyebrow. “We christening the place then?”

He looks so sexy, it’s not really fair.

Robert bites his lip. “With a baby needing our full attention?” He says as he comes towards him and frowns.

“We can be ... creative.” Aaron says, palms at Robert’s trousers and then smiles as he sees Eve’s eyes closing against her father’s shoulder. “Thank you Evie.” He says as soon as Robert settles her down.

To say he pounces on Robert is a slight understatement.

 

—

 

It sort of goes well until it doesn’t. There’s a change in the waters, Robert’s brave enough to jump in. 

 

—

 

Chas still hates his guts but she looks after Evie whenever they need her to. Diane’s behind the bar when he comes to fetch her and he frowns a little when he sees her talking to some guy.

She’s laughing away and he walks over, makes a point of asking where Chas is. 

“Oh she’s just gone to the shops with Evie.” She says, Robert feels this shift in himself as he looks towards the man next to her. He has this slight smirk on his face and he doesn’t get why. “This is ...”

“Gordon.” The guy says, he extends a hand out and his thick Liverpool accent sticks out in the pub. “I should get going Di.”

Di?

“Oh no, stick around, Chas would be made up to see you.” Diane is almost pleading and Robert keeps his eyes on the bloke. He’s older than him, younger than Diane, and Chas knows him.

He keeps thinking about it until Chas sends him a text letting him know she’s dropping Eve to the Mill now.

“Better go.” He says, and Gordon nods.

“Nice to meet you ...”

“Robert.” He nods before turning and leaving. 

That deep feeling in the pit of his stomach persists.

It stays because as soon as he mentions the guy that night it’s like there’s a light going out in Aaron’s eyes. He holds at Eve and shakes slightly and then he says he needs to go to bed.

“Wait, are you okay?” 

Eve rattles a little in his arms and Aaron holds her closer towards him. He leans over and kisses Robert’s cheek.

“Of course.” He says, “The uh ... what did he want?”

“Your mum. Well, Diane said he should wait for her to get back.” Robert says, he bites at his lip a little and watches Aaron almost stare through him.

“I’m really tired.” Aaron says, he never says that, not like this. He blows out a breath and Robert offers to take Eve but he says he wants her to sleep with them tonight. 

“Yeah, sure.” Robert says, he dips a hand down and Eve catches it in hers and giggles. It relieves some tension and Robert bites his lip. “Meet you up there?” He just wriggles an eyebrow and Aaron frowns.

“We’re not having sex.”

“What? I wasn’t —“

Aaron flushes bright red, his eyes widen a little. “Sorry, I didn’t — I’m just tired.” He says and Robert pretends like it never happened.

He keeps it up that way.

 

—

 

So it turns out that Gordon is Aaron’s dad, and Chas is seeing him again.

They’ve rekindled their love or some stupid thing like that, it’s pretty gross and Aaron seems to hate the whole thing really passionately.

“Shouldn’t we go over?” Robert asks, Eve’s bouncing on his knee and Aaron’s not said a word about the drinks they’re having over at the pub to celebrate them being back together. 

Aaron turns slowly. “No.” He says, just a straight no. 

“He’s your dad.”

“And?”

“You don’t talk about him?” 

“Like you talk about yours?” Aaron says suddenly, he has a frown on his face and the scowl gets deeper as Robert tries to explain that it’s different. “How?”

Robert sighs. “Because he — we didn’t get on.” He decided to say, he holds at Eve’s hand and then kisses her head gently as he tries to get out of his own world.

“Well same with me.” Aaron says quietly. He looks agitated, he looks down at Evie and then gulps hard. “So just leave it.”

“Just like that?” Robert asks, he doesn’t quite understand how he believes he’ll be able to just leave it all alone. “He’s sticking around Aaron.”

Aaron closes his eyes. “She’ll get bored of him, just like last time.” He says, and he doesn’t really seem fazed, he seems vacant. Robert doesn’t know if that’s worse or not. “Just ... please leave it.” 

 

—

 

Robert leaves it like he’s been told to do. But it’s a little difficult for him to completely avoid the guy when he’s at the pub, behind the bar and everything.

“Robert.” He leans over and that weird smirk is back. “Where’s Aaron?”

Robert sighs. He keeps asking, he keeps telling him that Aaron doesn’t want anything to do with him. He pretends like he knows why because it’s embarrassing that he doesn’t, not really anyway.

Aaron still doesn’t talk about it.

“He’s not here.” Robert says, “He’s out with Eve.” He says and Gordon smirks.

“My little granddaughter.” He says and then Chas comes out from the back and gulps hard. 

“I haven’t seen her since ...”

“Since I came back.” Gordon says. “Love, I didn’t mean to get in between you this badly.” He says. 

Chas shakes her head, she blames Aaron, she blames Robert.

“This is nothing to do with me.” Robert says. “I wanted to come to your little drinks thing but he didn’t. He doesn’t want this.”

“And I don’t want you and him playing happy families like nothing ever happened!” Chas snarls, her arms cross over and Robert just shakes his head. “But I’ve got to deal with it.”

Robert frowns. “So that’s your advice?” 

“I think it is mate.” Gordon shrugs one shoulder and Robert feels the need to leave, so he does. 

He stays right away.

 

—

 

He comes home the next day to find Aaron laying in bed. He wonders if he hasn’t moved from this morning and his heart races slightly, he can’t help but move a hand across him.

“Oi sleepy head, you hungry?"

He doesn’t get anything back.

It makes his hands shake a little, because he’s never seen this before. He remembers Aaron cold and unmoving and almost stuck, but this feels different.

“Aaron?” He comes around the bed and sees the photo of him and Aaron and Eve. It’s framed and silver and Aaron always smiles at it like he can’t quite believe it’s them. 

Now he isn’t staring at it, he’s almost not staring at anything. 

Robert backs away, he decides to leave him to it and worry on his own. So he does just that, worries and waits and then gets Eve from Vic’s.

She’s babbling away, giddy as anything as they get home and he brings her into their bedroom. Aaron’s still there. His hair is curled and soft and his black pyjama top seems tight against his skin.

“Look who I’ve got. It’s Evie.” Robert whispers, their little girl bounces on his knee and then reaches out towards Aaron.

He finally flinches, his eyes big and wide and he stares at their little girl before looking away like he doesn’t want to see her.

“Aaron?”

“Get her away.” Aaron whispers, he sounds panicked, he sounds fucking scared and Robert takes Eve away from him. She cries and he finds himself holding back tears as he shuts the door behind him.

 

—

 

It stays like that. 

He doesn’t tell anyone because he doesn’t know what to tell them.

He makes excuses to Adam, he says he’s got a really bad cold. 

He sleeps on the sofa, goes up every other hour and tries to stroke his hair, coax him out of whatever’s going on.

“Aaron, please.” Robert says, he bites his lip and waits.

He doesn’t hear anything.

He just tells him that he loves him, a lot. He says that Evie misses him, a lot.

It doesn’t seem to make a difference.

 

—

 

Four days go by. Four days. 

Robert’s exhausted against it, he’s basically raised her on his own these past days and it’s not been easy. He’s got Evie on his hip and he remembers how he cried last night. 

She’d screamed the house down and he thought Aaron would help him with her but he didn’t, and then he started to wonder.

His thoughts turned towards one thing, postnatal depression. 

It’s a thing. It happens. According to Google, it happens all the time. 

It makes his heart thud, his insides twist and turn because he doesn’t have a clue how he’s supposed to help him. He’s scared for him, of what he knows he’s capable of doing when he’s like this. 

He’s scared, he’s so scared and he wonders if he should take any razors out of the en suite. Then suddenly Aaron’s standing at the bottom of the stairs and saying that he’s sorry.

He’s speaking to him. He’s wearing a fresh top and he’s shaking his head and fighting back tears and everything.

“You’re sorry?” Robert says, he can’t help but say it. “I’ve been going out of my mind?” He shouts, only it’s the last thing Aaron clearly needs.

He sees him flinch. He sees him blow out a breath. “I know.” He says.

“You heard me?” 

Aaron just squints. “Everything went ... hazy.” He whispers. “I couldn’t concentrate on anything.” He says, he looks up and his eyes change as he sees Eve burying her head in Robert’s neck. “Evie.” He whispers, his hands already rising.

Robert moves back slightly, a hand against her back.

“Rob?” Aaron whispers, he feels like he’s been punched in the gut. “I won’t ...”

“What happened Aaron?”

“I don’t know.” He says. “But I’m okay now.”

“I needed you. I had ... I had to do everything on my own.” Robert’s chin wobbles and Aaron comes towards him, he touches Robert’s face tentatively and it feels like it’s been years since. 

“I’m _sorry_.” Aaron says.

And the thing is, Robert can’t even be angry at him. He knows who Aaron is, he knows his issues, he knows everything and he still loves him with all his heart.

He can’t blame him for any of it. 

Robert nods a little, rubs his head against the hand Aaron holds firmly on his face. He tries to smile as he hands Eve over and she instantly grabs at Aaron’s shirt. 

He glows a little with her. He kisses her head and shakes, cries a little bit and Robert watches.

He’s still scared.

 

—

 

Aaron doesn’t want to talk about it at all. He tells him to forget it only Robert can’t.

He mentions the baby, he mentions what he looked up and Aaron looks like he’s being punched in the stomach.

“I love her more than anything.” He says, his eyes fill with tears and Robert can’t explain anything fast enough. 

Aaron’s shouting about how he doesn’t get to say anything about him loving her. He’s saying all this _stuff_ and Robert can’t keep up with him.

“You just rocked up with a few months to go!” Aaron says. “You didn’t even know she existed, I was the one who loved her first you _fuck_.” Aaron shouts, he pushes at Robert’s chest and Robert catches his arms.

“Calm down.” Robert says, because he sees through everything. He sees Aaron. “What’s happening Aaron?”

It’s like the boldness of it makes Aaron crumble. He pushes at Robert and starts looking for his shoes.

“You can’t just leave.” Robert stands by the door. “Tell me what’s wrong. If it’s Eve, if it’s too much with me at work and you here with her then we can ... your mum and ... she could have her —“

Aaron’s face darkens. “No she can’t. Not now.” He says, he looks broken as he shakes his head. “Not now.” He repeats and his breathing is ragged.

He’s all over the fucking place.

“Why not?” Robert reaches a hand out towards Aaron’s face and for a second he lets him. “Aaron, I love you.” He says, “Me and Evie love you.”

Aaron seems to panic at the sound of her name. “I need to go.” He says, so he goes.

 

—

 

He’s at Adam’s, Vic comes around the next morning with the news and finds Robert asleep with Eve on the sofa. 

He didn’t even make it to bed, she screamed for her daddy and Robert tried to soothe her but she picked up on his panic.

“What’s going on with him?” Vic asks, and Robert confesses his fears. He nearly cries with it.

“He’s so good Vic, with her, with me. Something has happened. I think he’s ... he needs to talk to someone.” Robert wrings his hands and looks at Eve in Vic’s arms. “For her sake.”

“He loves her though.”

“Of course he does but it’s not that simple is it?” Robert’s done his research. “It’s complicated and ... you can fly off the handle and have so many different feelings.” He says. “I just want to help him.”

Vic strokes through Evie’s hair. “He’ll let you, when he’s ready.”

“And in the mean time?” 

“You get on with it.” She says, like it’s that easy. “You’ve got through worse.”

“Have we?” Robert doubts himself suddenly. “We were never together properly were we? Then bam, a baby and a house and ... navigating some sort of relationship.”

Vic frowns. “You love him.” She says. “He loves you too.” 

He hopes it’s still true.

 

—

 

He waits a few hours before he decides to go and see him. He’s aware that he’s probably going to get shouted at but he he thinks of Evie, he thinks of how happy they were.

He keeps the thought in his head as he walks down the village and then hears him. He hears Aaron, his voice quick and filled with something Robert’s scared of. 

He sees him, with Gordon, pushing him hard against the wall of the pub. 

“You just _stay_ away.” Aaron’s shouting, his voice sounds wrecked, like it’s hardly there at all and Robert’s eyes widen before he comes rushing forward.

Gordon looks all shaken, he says that Aaron needs to calm down but that seems to only get him pushing at him harder.

“Aaron!” Robert has to use all his strength to get him off. He tugs at him and eventually Aaron lets him go. “What are you playing at?”

It’s weird seeing them together, because he hasn’t seen them like this. Father and son and everything. They’ve avoided each other over the past two weeks, almost completely.

Aaron looks up, blue eyes wide and filled with tears as he sees Robert. “Robert ...” 

Before he can say anything, he can hear Chas. Her high heels are enough for the whole village to hear on most days.

“What’s going on?” Chas shouts, she goes straight to Gordon, she touches his face and he says that he’s okay. He says that it’s his fault, that he provoked Aaron. “By saying what?”

Aaron’s eyes stay wide and Gordon sighs.

“I asked him if he was okay.” Gordon says and Chas starts shouting again, she starts telling him that it doesn’t mean Aaron can start using his fits.

“It’s not his fault that you two had a barney.” Chas says, she looks right at her son as she speaks. “What’s wrong with ya?”

Robert folds under her shouting at him, he steps out in front to almost shield him. “Okay, just ... I’ll talk to him.”

“We know he stayed at Adam’s.” Chas says as she looks at Gordon and then sighs. “Was I right about you two only staying together ‘cause of Eve? Are you not together any—“

“That’s none of your business.” Robert says.

“He’s our son.” Gordon says.

“I’m not your —“ Aaron almost vibrates, Robert can hear it and then he goes quiet again as Chas says she only cares. 

“Why don’t we take Evie for a bit?” Chas says, “I haven’t seen her for so long now.” She says, she tilts her head towards Aaron. “Love?”

“We could take her to the swings or something?” Gordon steps forward, has a hand on Chas’ back now and Aaron shakes his head.

“No way.”

“Don’t be like that.” Chas says, she looks hurt.

“Yeah, Robert can’t you talk some —“ Gordon’s cut off by Aaron practically barking at him.

“Don’t talk to him! Don’t say Eve’s name, just — leave us alone, the both of ya.” He says. He stalks off, and Robert follows him.

They end up by the cricket pavilion, Aaron’s knee is bouncing up and down and Robert just looks over him. 

“Can I sit?” Robert asks and Aaron looks up, nods slightly before shifting.

“I shouldn’t have pushed you ... last night.” Aaron says, he bites his lip and looks up. “I’m sorry.” He says. “I freaked out.”

Robert blinks. “Like just now, with your dad?”

Aaron freezes a little and Robert sighs.

“I missed you.”

“I missed you too.” Aaron says. “And Eve.” He looks up again. “Where is she?” 

He sounds panicked and Robert shakes his head, tells him to calm down. “With Victoria.” He reassures her. “She’s fine, well, she missed you but ...”

Aaron gulps. “I’ve never been a night without her.” He says, deep in thought. Robert catches him looking down at the silly paper thin bracelet he had made for him, meant to be from Eve when she turned a month old. He plays with it nervously now and then he rubs at his eyes. 

“You should have come home.”

“I thought you’d be mad.” Aaron says. “And then I thought ... what are we doing?”

It makes something stop dead in Robert’s chest. He asks what Aaron means, only he stays quiet. Eventually he speaks again and Robert gets to breathe again. 

“We’re new to this, being together, properly.” Aaron looks up. “I keep thinking we’re going to get it really wrong, mess Evie up.”

Robert stretches a hand across Aaron’s knee. “The only way that could possibly happen is if we don’t talk to each other, tell each other things.”

Aaron’s head dips down again. 

“I was scared you wouldn’t want to come back.” Robert decides to say it, be honest. Aaron looks affronted by it all. “I didn’t mean to upset you, with what I said, and I thought that you’d not want —“

“You’re the only thing that makes sense.” Aaron blurts out, he looks down at Robert’s large hand and holds it. “You and Evie.” He says slowly. “I haven’t got what you think I have. I’d know.”

Robert thinks of him freaking out with her though, the tears, the way he didn’t want her around him. He gulps hard against the fact that he thinks it could be something else, something worse.

“Okay.” Robert says. “But what about your dad? Is it that?”

He’s this enigma, all charm and sleaze and Aaron’s acting like he’s not here at all.

“He can’t see Evie.” Aaron says, he’s passionate about that, he uses all his strength to make Robert listen. 

Robert nods quickly. “Because ... you didn’t get on?”

“Because he’s a ...” Aaron looks out into the fields now. “He’s just a shit dad.”

Robert nods again, he feels Aaron’s hand still in his and he doesn’t want him to let go so he treads carefully as he speaks. “So him coming back and trying to make up for it, that’s ...”

“He can’t ever make up for it.” Aaron says, he looks right into Robert’s eyes and nods. “Okay?”

Robert leans forward and kisses Aaron. “Just know that I love you.”

“I do know.” Aaron says, “And I love you, and Evie, and I won’t just go like that again.”

“You won’t?” Robert almost asks, because sometimes he wakes up and can’t believe that Aaron’s in his arms, that Eve is right next to them. Sometimes he feels sick with how much he can’t quite believe it. 

Aaron presses his forehead against Robert’s. “I won’t.” He whispers. He stays quiet for a second and then blinks out. “These months ... I’ve never been happier. I was so happy.”

Was.

Robert’s eyes flicker and then Aaron stares at him. He scares him, he really scares him when he’s like this. Aaron bring a hand up towards Robert’s face and shudders slowly. 

“Can we get away?” He asks, Robert wants to know from what.

 

—

 

They end up in Scotland. 

They have a whole week there with little Evie and no one else is around them. It’s like Aaron’s himself again, he has a smile on his face, he looks cheeky even.

He looks young and happy and Robert basks in it all.

He lays Eve on his chest, Aaron yawning next to him from their day on the beach. “I missed you.” 

Aaron frowns at first, he looks slightly confused and then he brushes a hand gently across Robert’s and nods. 

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.” Robert says, their little girl babbles about something and he frowns. “See, Eve agrees too.” He says. 

Aaron doesn’t say anything, Eve pulls a hand up towards him and he holds it gently. He kisses her little hand and then sighs. “I didn’t mean to let you down.” 

Robert blinks. “You had a wobble.” He says. “But when we get back, we’ll sort everything out okay?”

Aaron bites his lip nervously. “Just like that?” He whispers, “It’s not that easy. I wish ... wish it was.” 

Robert goes to speak and then Eve rolls herself right onto Aaron. He lifts her in the air and then hands her back to Robert, it makes Robert’s heart thud. 

“I wish I could stay here, like this, I wish we didn’t —“ Aaron blinks and then sighs. “Wish we could have this forever.” He says, and Robert kisses his head gently. 

The idea of them going home tomorrow makes him feel nervous.

 

—

 

Gordon’s not around when they get back, in fact, Marlon says he’s gone and Aaron seems to care.

“You uh ... did you want to speak to him before he went?” Robert asks, he’s feeding Eve and she’s clapping her hands against the bottle as Aaron stares out the window. 

“No.” Aaron says, he turns, he almost smiles. “I’m glad he’s gone.” He says. “I’m ... can I take her to the swings?”

Robert nods, “You don’t have to ask.”

Aaron smiles, he looks over them both as Robert burps her and she babbles against his shoulders. Aaron takes her in one swoop, he pulls all these faces at her and then he kisses Robert hard on the mouth.

“I love you, see you soon.” He says, and Robert tries not to think about the last time he tried to kiss Aaron in bed, the way he pushed him away and said he was tired. 

He remembers the last time they had sex, it doesn’t matter, but it does.

Now though, Aaron’s cooing over Evie again and it’s all good again. 

It’s going to be good. 

 

—

 

It is good, Aaron laughs and cooks dinner and lets Robert hold him in bed for a while.

It’s all good until it’s all not good.

Diane’s selling her half of the pub because she wants to try something new, her and Doug are hardly the most exciting pair in the village so he gets her point a little.

“So who’s buying the other half?” Aaron asks, he bounces Eve on his knee, strokes her hair whilst drinking his pint.

Chas’ eyes dart a little. “I’ll find someone.” She rubs at her arm and plays dumb but Robert sees through it.

So it’s hardly a surprise when Gordon’s back around. It turns out, he never really left. It turns out that them going to Scotland scared Chas and she decided that they’d do this all in secret instead.

Only now, now that Aaron’s talking to her again, she reckons it’s time that they all grew up a little. 

To say Aaron freaks a little is a slight understatement. He flys off the handle like a teenager really and not even Paddy’s clam voice can do the trick.

“Not him mum.” Aaron says. “When I talk, do you just not listen or something?” He shouts, he’s really shouting and Chas is frozen against it. 

“Aaron, just calm down.” Robert whispers, he takes Eve from him and Aaron just keeps going on about it.

He won’t stop. 

He just won’t stop. 

 

—

 

“I won’t let him.” Aaron says, he shakes his head and sighs. “If he thinks he can ... she’s _mad_.”

Robert has Eve on his hip and he frowns. “She’s in love.” He says, it’s been a few days since and Aaron’s not got any calmer about it. 

Not even slightly.

Aaron just shoots him a look and Robert stays quiet as the door goes and Chas stands there.

“So you’ve not calmed down then?” She asks as she gets through the door, it’s tense and weird and Robert can’t believe that none of this is his fault. It feels strange being on the outside looking in. 

Aaron just stands there. He looks exhausted again, like he did before they left. “Anyone else mum.”

“He’s sorry for not being the best dad Aaron.” Chas snaps. “If you stayed in a room with him for more than a minute then you’d know that.” She says, “Darling ... please.” 

She begs, she actually begs him not to make this so difficult.

“It’s me or him.” He finally says. 

He wants to scream, he wants to chuck something across the room and make her listen and that shocks her into something. 

“How can you say that?” Chas says. She looks towards Robert and frowns. “After everything ... everything he did to you, the way I begged you to leave him and — I never left you.” She says. “I was there for you, so why can’t you be there for me?”

Aaron gulps hard and Robert can’t help but understand Chas’ points. He feels guilty, he feels stunned with it. “It’s ... you can’t compare —“

“A deadbeat dad or a murdering —“

“He’s _nothing_ like him. Robert’s nothing like Gordon, _nothing_.” Aaron says. He shakes with it and Robert’s heart beats louder. “He isn’t getting that pub.” He says passionately. 

 

—

 

He wants to ask but he’s nervous, he waits until Eve’s in bed for the words to spill out. 

“Did he do something?” Robert asks, he watches Aaron frown at him like he doesn’t understand. “Your dad, you know you can tell me.”

Aaron gulps hard against the question. “I know.” He says, “There’s just not a lot to tell.” He folds his arms over and shrugs. “My mum walked out and he blamed me ever since.” He shrugs and Robert hurts. 

He hurts when Aaron hurts because he loves him, he isn’t afraid to love him, to show it outwardly.

Aaron holds at the baby monitor and shakes his head. “Told you it was boring.” He nearly smiles but it doesn’t quite meet his eyes. 

Robert bites his lip. “It’s not boring.” He huffs. 

Aaron looks towards the duvet. “He’s not worth my energy, this, you and Eve, is.” He says. 

“So let him buy the pub then.” Robert shrugs and Aaron tenses again. 

“I don’t want him here.” Aaron’s hand tightens around the monitor. “Why can’t you accept that and stop trying to control me?”

Robert nearly falters but then he gulps and carries on. “I’m not controlling you, I’m worried.”

“Well don’t be. Try backing me for once.” Aaron says, and then he wipes at his eyes and Robert can tell that he’s trying to keep it together.

“I always will.” Robert raises a hand tentatively and tells him he didn’t mean to make him cry. Aaron looks tiny suddenly as he says he’s sorry too and clings onto Robert like he doesn’t ever want to let him go again. 

 

—

 

They don’t go to the pub and Robert largely ignores Chas’ presence when he goes about his day with Eve in her pram babbling up at him.

She stops him all the time, asks him to sort Aaron out and he’s getting tired of telling her to piss off and that Aaron’s got his reasons. 

This time she seems to get the upper hand though, because apparently she knows too. She knows what’s up, it’s that Gordon used to hit Aaron.

That’s the thing. 

Robert sighs, and flash of something enters his mind and reminds him of his own childhood and then he snaps out of it.

“I’ll talk to him.” He mutters, eyes hooded and sad. He doesn’t end up talking to him though because he’s not at home for ages and when he does get in he’s head to toe in black and looks shifty as anything. “I’ve been ringing you.” He says as Aaron stands there.

He says something about scrap and copper and then says he needs a shower. He’s up the stairs before Robert can even try and call him back.

The bag he had over his shoulder is stuffed under the bed when he gets into it, he hits against it and Eve’s chubby arms hit his face at the same time. He swears against the feeling and then bends, he pulls it out because he has to and then he opens it. 

Then he sees a lot of money and Aaron decides to come back in and look at him, he has the nerve to ask what he’s doing.

“Really?” Robert closes up the bag with shaky hands and Eve stops babbling in his arms like she knows he’s being serious. “Where the fuck —“

“I couldn’t let him buy the pub.” 

 

—

 

So him and Ross decided to be criminals again, some warehouse job, some poor bastard’s in hospital and Aaron’s knuckles are swollen against it. 

Apparently it was all meant to work out fine but it’s nine at night and the police knocking on the door means that Robert has to give him an alibi.

“He was uh ... he was with me.” Robert hardly looks at the police officer, he gives small details and watches Aaron chew at his nails and hide his hand from view. 

They buy it, they see Eve on his lap and Robert adds in a detail about her screaming the house down a few hours ago and they even smile.

He shows them the door and then turns around towards Aaron.

“I can explain ...”

“You already have haven’t you?” Robert brings Eve up to his shoulder and shudders. “You beat some poor guy up just so your dad doesn’t buy the pub.” 

“It’s not that simple.”

“Right.” Robert nods. “So you tell me what’s it all about then?” Aaron just stares at him, tears in his eyes. “No?” 

Aaron’s mouth opens and then closes again. “He can’t be around her.” He says, looks at Eve and wipes at his face harshly. 

“So you beat someone up?” Robert shouts. “You make me lie, both of us could go to prison for this and then what would happen to Eve?” Aaron looks away. “Did you even _think_ about her?”

Aaron suddenly looks affronted. “She’s all I _ever_ think about.” He shouts, and then she starts crying and Aaron holds his hands towards his face. “I’m sorry baby, I’m —“ he says, he reaches out and she cradles into Robert’s neck. It only makes Aaron’s face fall a little. 

“Let me go settle her down.” Robert says, he feels her breathing against his neck and stroking his face like she needs attention. “Stay ... stay there.”

To his surprise, Aaron’s sitting on the sofa waiting for him when he gets down ten minutes later.

“She’s asleep.” He says. “Needed to tuck her in real tight in her blanket though.”

Aaron blinks. “She’s scared of me.”

“Don’t be stupid.”

“Of what I’m capable of.” Aaron twists his lip and then frowns slightly. “She’ll hate me ... she really will.” He closes his eyes and then opens them. “It’s his fault, all of this.” He looks up and then tells Robert to forget what he said but he can’t. 

“I know Aaron.” Robert whispers. “What he did, why you think it’s his fault.”

Aaron just looks up, his eyes are wet and he looks like he’s struggling to breathe. He just has his mouth hanging open, he just looks frozen.

“You — what?”

Robert wrings his hands together. “He told your mum.”

Aaron just keeps staring at him. 

“Told her ... told her ...” 

“That he hit you.” Robert says, he leans a hand across towards Aaron and is relieved when Aaron doesn’t pull away. “Aaron, I ... I understand it.” 

“You don’t.” Aaron gets up suddenly. “You don’t ... understand — that’s not what —“

“I do Aaron.” Robert sees himself, yeah it was once but he seems himself getting hit and he feels sick. “I get it.” His heart feels like it’s exploding when Aaron just stares at him and then frowns. 

“Stop acting like you know me, that you understand.”

It hurts, it travels right through him, rips harshly and makes something tether in him. He isn’t even sure what it is really, it just hurts. 

“We don’t know each other.” Aaron whispers, maybe he’s diverting it all but it feels honest, it feels like truth. “What are we doing?”

“What are  _you_ doing?”

“Being honest.” Aaron snaps. He looks right at Robert and frowns. “Who do we think we are? Playing house and acting like we know each other when we don’t.”

Robert dips his head and sees himself, he sees those doubts blossom through him and die again because he’s been through this. He understands uncertainty, maybe he always will when it comes to him and Aaron. Maybe it’s meant to be like that. “I know you.”

“Not all of me.” Aaron says, it makes Robert’s face fall. “I don’t ... don’t know all of you either.”

“But I love you.” Robert says, because he does, because that is certain. It’s unwavering, it gets to remain when everything falls away. 

“That has nothing to do with —“ Aaron stops himself. He rubs a hand across his face and he doesn’t say it back like he usually does. “We’re _kidding_ ourselves.”

Robert loses hope, it sort of falls away. “Maybe.” His head dips. “Is that what you want to hear? Because ... because today wasn’t you. It’s not Eve’s dad, my boyfriend, it wasn’t him.” He gets up and walks towards the kitchen gripping the counter. “I’ve given up everything for you.”

Aaron says he knows that. It doesn’t really feel like he does. Sometimes he feels like he’s still chasing Aaron somehow, like he’s trapped him, forced him into something he doesn’t want. It makes him feel rotten. 

“You never asked me I know but I did it because I wanted a family with you. Who cares if we’re stupidly new to it all?” Robert argues. “Who cares Aaron?” He whispers. “I don’t. I just care about you ... and me ... I want us to be honest.”

Aaron seems to freeze again as he speaks. He looks away, eyes sad and lonely and making Robert want to reach out and hold him tightly. He doesn’t though. He stays exactly where he is like he’s glued to the floor. 

“So ...” Robert tips his head up and shudders. “When I said I get it ... about him hitting you, it’s because —“ He waves for a second and Aaron’s eyes turn glassy.

“Rob.” His voice floats through the air, he comes really close and Robert can feel his breath on his skin. He feels him everywhere and it’s soothing. 

“My dad did the same.” Robert gulps hard. It just comes out and no one dies. The world still carries on doing what it’s doing. “Just once. It was just once.”

“He hurt you?” Aaron’s eyes search Robert’s face. “I’m so — Robert, I’m sorry.” He holds at his gum and his eyes turn glassy once again. “What did ...”

“Me and some boy were ...” Robert closes his eyes. “It doesn’t even matter, I just, he didn’t want me the way I was. So he tried to stop it.” He frowns. “I kept thinking of Eve, I can’t imagine trying to put her right like that.”

“You wouldn’t ever.” Aaron whispers, wipes at Robert’s face. He suddenly realises that he’s been crying, it staggers him slightly. He can’t remember the last time he cried over his dad like this. 

“I needed you to know, remember?” Aaron does. He smiles almost faintly and then sniffs.

“I didn’t realise Jack was ...”

“He was amazing when he wanted to be. He would have been great if I wasn’t ... me.” Robert looks right into Aaron’s eyes. “And it hurts because I’m so happy and he’d never want me to be, not the way I am now.”

Aaron brings Robert into this crushing hug, and at first he relaxes against the warmth. He only pulls away when he realises that Aaron’s crying too. 

“Hey, I didn’t —“

“You didn’t deserve it.” Aaron bites his lip, he holds at Robert’s face. “Or me ... going on about us not working. You were so brave, you’ve been so brave with all of this.”

Robert nods a little. He feels it. Not in some grand way, but it’s different now, he walks down the village with Evie and likes when people ask after Aaron because he’s his person to ask. He likes those things.

“I wanted to be honest.” It makes Aaron take his hand away slowly and then Eve starts gurgling. Aaron says she needs her bottle and he says she can wait for a few minutes. “Please Aaron.” He says. “You have no idea how hard it was for me to tell you —“

“Don’t even try and compare.” 

Something about the tone, how dismissive it sounds makes him worthless suddenly. He feels so small and he breathes funnily as Aaron shoots his head up at him, eyes full of regret. 

“No I didn’t mean ...”

“It’s all about you obviously.” Robert mutters. “I should be losing my mind over what you’ve done today but I’ve listened. I’ve been honest, I’ve —“ Eve starts crying and he gets her bottle from the fridge, starts for the stairs. “Don’t be here when I get back down.”

 

—

 

He’s sick of it. He’s completely sick of it. 

He sleeps on the floor of Eve’s room when he hears Aaron going towards their bedroom and he lays there thinking.

He knows that he loves Aaron, he probably always will, that’s never going to be in doubt. But he feels exhausted from whatever’s going on with him. 

He thought being honest, baring all, could help but it didn’t. 

Apparently his own pain doesn’t compare. 

It makes him cower, keep a hand up towards Eve’s cot just so he can feel her. She breathes in and out deeply and he watches her for a little while. Soft brown hair and her giraffe tucked under her arm. 

“I’ll make it all better, I promise Evie.” 

 

—

 

He wakes up to the sound of the door going. He jumps at it and realises that Eve isn’t in her cot when he finally stands and looks over it.

He sees a note.

Aaron’s scrawny writing visible.

‘Gone running, Eve’s with Diane, I thought you could do with the sleep. You looked beautiful.’ 

It’s so unlike him, the last bit, it makes Robert blush and then he rubs at his face and reads it again. Running. Fucking hell.

He gets himself some breakfast, wakes himself up as much as he can before he decides to walk towards the pub and get Eve. He wants her close, he hopes Diane will understand.

His coat feels heavy on him as he gets towards the stairs of the pub and then sees Aaron running past the bus stop. His feet carry him towards his boyfriend and somehow he manages to keep up and eventually stop him running in his tracks.

Aaron yanks his earphones out, black curly hair messy against his forehead. He’s panting hard and then straightens his back.

“I got your note.” Robert whispers, he doesn’t know what else to say. Aaron just smiles faintly and then sighs. 

“I really love you.” Aaron says, only it feels different and his eyes are determined and filled with tears at the same time. “I’m so sorry for always messing up.”

“You’re not messing anything up.” Robert says, only he can’t help but dip his head down as he speaks. 

“I am.” Aaron gulps, “Our baby ... our little girl, she needs us both. She doesn’t deserve any of this.” He holds his head. “Neither do you.”

Robert doesn’t say anything. 

“I didn’t think anyone was going to be there yesterday.” Aaron looks at his knuckles briefly. “I snapped at him, I didn’t know what was happening.” 

Robert’s jaw tightens. 

“Still love me?” Aaron says wearily.

“Of course I do.” Robert’s eyes flicker. “But this isn’t you.”

“I know.” Aaron whispers. “I know, I know Robert.” He’s still panting. “I want to be better. I’ll give the money in, I won’t use it.” He sighs. “I really want to be better.” He says again. 

Robert looks down. “You will, if you’re honest.” He steps forward. “If you just let me in, like I did, with you yesterday.” He’s almost embarrassed. “Instead of running yourself into the ground like this.”

Aaron looks away.

“Please, I’m begging you Aaron.” 

Aaron nods his head, and Robert feels relief wash through him. 

“Can we go get Evie first? I want cuddles before I do this.” Aaron whispers and Robert feels the weight of whatever is coming. He smiles, he holds at Aaron’s hand and doesn’t care who sees as the walk to the pub.

It’s quiet, hardly anyone is there and yet Diane is behind the bar looking frazzled as he walks in. 

“Where’s —“ Robert asks, but he doesn’t have to say anything else because he hears laughing from the backroom.

Aaron starts bolting, he runs around the back and Robert follows him. He sees Eve being bounced by Gordon, Chas waving a toy in her face and laughing.

It’s horrible. The way Aaron snatches her, he nearly breaks her arm off with all his desperation and she cries her head off as he holds her close and pats her back.

“Oh it’s okay, it’s okay, daddy’s here. It’s daddy.” Aaron soothes her until she’s burying her head in his neck and Robert stares with his mouth wide open as Chas screams at him.

"Aaron we were only —“

“I said never — you don’t ... get the fuck away from her.” Aaron’s shaking, he’s shaking so badly and Robert feels something churn in his stomach as Aaron alternates between kissing Eve and telling Gordon to get away.

“Son, we have rights as her grandparents.”

“You’re not anything to her.” Aaron shouts. He looks like he wants to kill him. 

“Calm down.” Chas snaps. “Just let him talk to you, have it out, he’s not going to hurt her Aaron.”

“I know, because he’s never holding her again.” Aaron says passionately. “And I’ve got the money mum, for the pub, I’ll buy it, not him. He won’t have it. He won’t have anything to do with —“

“Son you’re —“

“Don’t _call_ me that.” Aaron screams and Eve reaches for Robert. He takes her quickly and kisses her head as Aaron stands there shaking. 

“We’re going.” Robert practically shoves Aaron out the door; he watches him stagger back to the Mill like he’s in his own world, he watches him run to the sink and be sick. 

He watches and watches and then he feels the rug being swept up from under him.

“Aaron?” He whispers, voice hardly there as Aaron sinks to the floor and cries. “Tell me he didn’t ...” he looks at Eve in his arms and everything adds up

Aaron nods, he just nods and Robert’s knees buckle.

“He hurt me like that Rob. He raped me. He hurt me so much.”

 

—

 

Hearing the words feels strange, saying them must be even stranger. Aaron almost looks lost as he speaks, and Robert realises he’s probably never told anyone this before.

He settles Eve, she falls asleep on his shoulder and he placed her in the pram as Aaron still sits there. 

“I don’t want her near me like this.” Aaron says roughly, he wipes at his eyes and then they fill with tears again almost immediately. 

Robert comes towards him, sits down besides him and nods. “So that’s why ...” the words seem to stick in his mouth, get lodged and unsaid. 

“I thought I could ignore it. Focus on you.” Aaron looks up into Robert’s eyes. “How happy I was.” 

Robert suddenly feels guilty about not making it easier for him to focus on the good. He knows it doesn’t make a whole load of sense but it persists. 

“Kept thinking about me that young, if he thought about stuff like that then.” Aaron grimaces. “How could he?” He asks, there’s no answer and Robert just dips his head slightly as a way of replying. 

“How many times did ...” Aaron looks away and Robert turns red. “I’m sorry, I just ...”

“Three.” Aaron’s eyes turn hazy with tears. “First when I was eight. It was ‘cause I was being naughty, ‘cause mum left.” He blinks. “He said it wouldn’t have to happen again but it did Rob.” 

It did, it happened over and over again until Aaron had to fight his way out of it like some caged animal. 

“I’m so sorry.” Robert says heavily. “Can I ...” he leans across and Aaron nods, Robert touches his knee, holds it tightly. 

“You don’t have to be sorry.”

“I do.” Robert whispers. “I could have ... you didn’t tell —“

“You’re the only one.” Aaron says, eyes hooded. “Ever. I didn’t think I’d have to. But now he’s here and ...”

“We’ll make him leave.” Robert bites, eyes fiery and green and staring into Aaron’s. 

Aaron’s a mess, tears falling and snotty nose and this sadness all around him but he arches an eyebrow now. “We?”

“Of course.” Robert whispers, “You think you’re on your own? Well you’re not.”

Aaron squints. “I don’t deserve you helping me.”

“Aaron.”

“Not after everything I’ve done. The robbery, the — leaving you.” He looks up desperately and Robert realises he’s speaking about those four days. Body here but everything else gone. “I outed you, watched Chrissie do the same thing in the pub, you remember?”

Of course he does. “But that doesn’t have anything to do with —“

“I thought he made me gay, what he did. I struggled, you struggled too and I just didn’t care.” Aaron shrugs. “I still hurt you.” He wipes at his wet face, bites his lip. 

“Stop blaming yourself for everything.” Robert says quickly, the hand on his knee feels too tight and Aaron brushes him away. “I’m sorry.” He says. 

“He never said that.” Aaron says, voice broken from crying. “Not once did he say sorry.” He gulps down hard. “It’s because he wasn’t, sorry, not at all. How could he _not_ be sorry?” He grows smaller, he’s letting it all out and Robert’s just going to let him. “He hurt me, it hurt, and he didn’t stop.” He says. 

“He won’t ever hurt you again.”

“He had Evie.” Aaron grows even smaller. “He had our little girl, he had Evie and I couldn’t do it anymore.” 

Robert doesn’t know how Aaron’s been surviving through it.

“We’ll get through this.” He says, soft and determined and Aaron tilts his head down on Robert’s shoulder for the briefest of seconds. It feels like forever.

 

—

 

“Ask me.” Aaron says, face buried in Robert’s chest. 

They somehow got into their bed, Aaron shaking as Robert lifted the covers over him. He sat at the edge of the bed for ages as Aaron slept, he cried quietly and thought of Eve until Aaron was awake and wanting him closer. 

Robert frowns slightly, a hand falling against Aaron’s hair. He’s lost until Aaron speaks again.

“Have I thought any of that stuff ... about Eve ...” It turns Robert’s stomach and Aaron looks like he’s in pain as he waits. 

Robert just brushes a hand across Aaron’s hair and shakes. “Not even for a second did I think that.” 

Aaron buries his head further. “That’s what happens sometimes though doesn’t it?” He whispers. “That’s why I never thought of kids.”

Robert holds at Aaron tightly. “You’d never ...”

“Obviously I get that now.” Aaron whispers. “But I feel ... when I wouldn’t move from here that time it was because I felt dirty and I didn’t want to be around her.” Aaron sighs. “I didn’t want her seeing me like that.”

“I know, I get it.” He gets all of it now. 

 

—

 

He waits until Aaron’s fast asleep, he gets his coat on and walks out the house and heads straight towards the pub.

It’s late, they’re closing up and Gordon stands there holding onto Chas and laughing about something.

“Oh Robert, come have a drink and celebrate with us.” Diane says, she looks all happy and Robert feels like he’s dying inside.

Nothing seems fair.

He just ignores her, just looks right at Gordon and wants him dead.

“Gordon’s buying the pub! It’s actually happening.”

And it doesn’t even make sense, not after what Chas saw in Aaron today, his desperation, his pain. She doesn’t give a shit. 

She’s still agreeing to let him buy the pub and being around Evie. 

He feels her blindness though, feels how stupid she is because that’s what he was like too. He was completely blind and now she is. 

“Wow.” Robert says, it’s all he says and Diane actually laughs at him when she passes over a glass of champagne and talks about her finally being free.

It’s ironic and twisted considering Aaron never will be. 

He doesn’t drink with them, Chas asks after Aaron, she sounds concerned and annoyed at the same time and he doesn’t have the time to shout at her. 

He just waits, bides his time until Gordon heads to the toilets and he follows behind.

“I know what you did.” Robert says. He’s not planned anything to say so it spills out. Gordon frowns at him, he doesn’t even seem bothered by it as he moves towards the sink and washes his hands thoroughly.

“What are you on about?”

“You’re sick.” Robert says, “You’re so sick.” Gordon scoffs. 

“He’s been spinning his lies again I see. I thought you were smarter than that.” He almost looks disappointed in Robert for believing him.

“You need to tell Chas you changed your mind and then you need to go.”

“I can’t do that. I’ve got Aaron and her back, I’ve got a grand—“

“Don’t even mention ...” He wavers, voice almost punctured as he sees Gordon smirk at him.

“I’ll do what I like.” He whispers before leaving Robert shaken as he goes.

 

—

 

He wants him dead. 

He wants to kill him. 

But Aaron only sees the old him. He’s got Eve in his arms and he’s still a shell of what he was before and he doesn’t understand.

He doesn’t get that Robert just wants to help. 

“Getting your gun out again isn’t going to help anything.” Aaron snaps quickly. He shakes his head and sighs and Robert just flinches slightly. 

“This isn’t like that.”

It’s not that lodge cabin, it’s not Aaron tied up and bloody. This is him doing what he has to _for_ Aaron, for Eve. 

This is him protecting them with all he has.

“I don’t want him dead. He’s already dead to me.” Aaron says, his face is worn as he holds Eve towards him. “I just want him away from here.” He bites his lip and strokes Eve’s face. “I want it to go away.”

Robert sighs. “Then you need to ...”

“I know.” Aaron says heavily.

 

—

 

He tells his mum.

She cries for what feels like days and he collapses into her arms against it.

After, he feels numb.

She keeps saying sorry. He knows she is but it doesn’t seem to go through to his head anymore.

He just wants Eve and Robert.

He just wants everything else to go away.

 

—

 

He doesn’t get his hands on the pub. Aaron gives the money away to some charity because he’s a good man and Diane wouldn’t want dirty money taking her share anyway. Diane holds her share and Chas works on getting someone else in. She’s full of apologies too. She keeps saying how awful she feels. 

He doesn’t feel that though, he denies it all. He keeps denying it until Cain nearly kills him and he finally gives in.

He says it was to put him in line.

Robert makes it on time. He sees Cain with a bat in his hand and Gordon cowering on the floor and he makes it on time to tell him to stop because Aaron doesn’t want it.

Aaron’s behind him, he’s got Evie to his chest and he shields her from Gordon completely. 

“I don’t want this Cain.” Aaron pleads. “I’ll do ...”

“He needs to pay.” Cain shouts. He’s everything that everyone thinks he is, hard and unmoving. Sadistic even. He keeps shouting and Robert can see the pain in his eyes. 

“I’ll tell the police then.” Aaron blurts out. “Make him pay the hard way.”

Robert thinks he’s bluffing, he really does, but he isn’t. He runs Eve a bath and sits with her for hours, cross legged on the tiled floor.

And then he gets his phone out. 

Eve’s slippery in her yellow towel as Robert dries her off and then he reaches out and holds Aaron’s hand.

“She’ll never have to see him again.” He whispers, “Not ever.”

Aaron makes the call.

 

—

 

Things are supposed to get better but they don’t. 

Aaron crawls into himself, he doesn’t get out of bed for days again. Only this time he talks. He lets Robert in.

“Is Evie okay?” Aaron asks, eyes flickering as Robert dips down into the bed. He runs a hand across Aaron’s hair and thinks about her with Diane and Doug. 

“She’s probably watching Doug and his carrots.” Robert tries to smile but it doesn’t meet his eyes at all. They’ve been good, they’ve been really good since everything has happened.

The everything is about Gordon and how he’s been charged. It’s about the whole family knowing and Robert having to try and hold them together and struggling.

It’s all of that.

Aaron nearly smiles. “She loves it really.”

“She’s weird.”

“Like you.” Aaron says. He lifts his hand up over Robert’s and he thinks about them last night, Aaron had a bad dream and it lasted for so long. It was horrible until Aaron reached out and let Robert hold him again. “I’m sorry I can’t move from here.”

Robert tuts. “You’re still here though aren’t you.” He whispers, holds at Aaron’s face. “Not like before.” 

It’s different than before. It’s more like a reality, a cold hard reality that they can’t escape. 

Aaron nods. “I don’t want him to make me hide anymore.” He says, and Robert can’t get over how brave he is. 

He jumps at the sound of the door going though and Robert hesitates to answer it. He thinks of *him because he has to, because it’s not the first time he’s tried to unsettle things.

There was the teddy for Eve on the doorstep.

There was the non stop knocking on the door late at night.

It’s not even been two weeks yet. 

“Should I get it?” He asks and Aaron tenses until they hear Chas’ voice and he sighs.

They’re better, she can’t help but blame herself and he can’t deal with her guilt for the most part.

“Tell her I’m ... asleep.” He says and Robert kisses his forehead before answering the door.

She doesn’t hate him anymore apparently. She told him that the other night, she said she was grateful for him and he nearly fell off his seat. 

“How’s my boy?” She asks desperately. “He isn’t answering my calls.”

Robert sits down on the sofa and she copies him. “You’re ... well he’s asleep so that’s why.” He gulps. “Maybe ease off?”

It only gets her back up. “How?” She snaps. “He’s my ... I need to know he’s safe.”

“He’s with me.” He waits for the scoff, her to say that he’s wrong but it doesn’t come. Instead she sits there in silence. 

“No more surprises then?” She asks, she looks like she wants to throttle someone. He shakes his head slowly. “And Evie, she’s ...”

“A little more ratty than usual but she’s fine.” Robert explains that she’s with Diane and Chas tries her best not to look affronted. But then she starts crying and he doesn’t know what to do.

“He’s still out there though, he could still do so much damage if they don’t find him guilty.” Chas whispers as she wipes her eyes and sighs. “I just want my boy safe.”

“He’ll get what’s coming to him.”

She sobers a little. “What does that mean?”

He rolls his eyes. “Not what you think.” He doesn’t know how else to say he isn’t that man anymore. “Come with me to get Evie? She misses you.”

“Can I?”

“It was him Chas. Never you.” He tells her.

 

—

 

They take Eve to the zoo, she’s got a sun hat on and these ridiculous strawberry sunglasses. She’s in Aaron’s arms and he’s staring up at the giraffes 

He’s quiet, really quiet. But he’s out of bed, that’s all that really matters. He’s in the sun and he looks relaxed. 

“She likes them.” Aaron mumbles, eyes flickering as Eve scrambles up a little and he has to balance her better. “Probably reminds her of the toy you got her."

Robert smiles warmly and plays with her hair before sighing. “Her first one.”

“Her best one.” Aaron says, he doesn’t look like he’s really here if that makes any sense. It’s like he’s desperately trying to hold onto something, them, Eve and Robert. “Can’t sleep without it.” He kisses her head and she smiles at him. “Beautiful girl.” 

“Aaron. We can go ...”

“No.” Aaron says adamantly. “We’re having a day ... at the zoo. Just like we planned ages ago.”

Before Gordon. 

Before all of that. 

“She won’t even remember —“

“But I will.” Aaron snaps. “I’ll remember her first year and I don’t want it to be all about him. We’ve got to make memories don’t we?” 

Robert kisses his forehead. “Yeah, we do.” 

 

—

 

Aaron finds his sister again. Well Robert finds her and her mum because they could help the case. At first he regrets spending the cash on her because she’s fourteen and got bags of attitude, all purple hoodies and sad eyes.

She gets pulled into this shit show kicking and screaming. 

She doesn’t take his side. She takes her dad’s at first, she blames Aaron for shit and Robert knows he can’t blame her but he wants to.

He wants to blame her for all Aaron’s tears, tell her to do one, call her a selfish brat but that doesn’t happen. He holds his tongue half the time, he’s got Aaron to worry about instead of her.

“Your brother’s brilliant.” Robert says one time, she’s in the cafe and he’s actually buying her a milkshake for her troubles or whatever. She doesn’t look like she believes him. She says a lot about her dad and he gets it.

She wants him to be this superhero, everything that she didn’t have.

“He’s supposed to be amazing isn’t he?” He says, he picks at his muffin and she’s already made a point about how weird he is for liking the poppy seed ones. “He’s supposed to be but he isn’t Liv.”

Liv pulls a face and her chin wobbles a little. 

“How could he do that ... to him?”

She hasn’t spoken to Aaron properly, they’ve just scowled at each other from across a room and she’s drawn the word liar into the side of his car. 

“Because he’s not a good man. Speak to Aaron, let him explain.”

He knows why she’s stayed away. It’s easier than confronting the truth isn’t it? 

 

—

 

She comes around though, Robert disappears upstairs to check on Evie and Aaron speaks to her.

She’s timid, she’s smaller than he remembers and yet so much older at the same time. It makes zero sense like the rest of all of this. 

“Your boyfriend believes you.” Liv says, she stands awkwardly by the sofa. “What did you tell him?”

Aaron frowns, “The truth.”

It’s Liv’s turn to frown. “I’d know if he did anything.”

“You were too little. He was good at hiding it.” Aaron says, his eyes are hooded as he speaks and then she comes closer.

“But you left me with him?” 

It makes his chest collapse, suddenly he’s telling his mum again and she’s blaming herself. He’s blaming himself now, it crawls all the way through him and eats him up inside. 

“I was a kid Liv.” Aaron’s chin wobbles. “I was so scared but ... I should have told Sandra, your mum, I should have told her and I’m sorry I didn’t. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” 

She doesn’t say anything for so long, he feels himself crying and then she suddenly sits next to him and he stops. 

“You don’t ... you shouldn’t be sorry.” Liv says. “Not over this.”

He can hardly hear her over the relief he feels. She just shrugs and rubs at her face, it’s red and puffy and everything falls away as he moves a hand towards hers.

“I thought you ...”

“You’re not lying.” She blurts out. “So that means everything he’s been saying must be.”

Aaron frowns. “I’m sorry.”

“Stop saying that.” Liv snaps just like he usually does and then she drops her head right down.

They don’t say anything for so long. Everything just pauses around them and it stays that way until he wipes at his tears and blows out a breath.

“This is a nice place.” Liv looks about for a second like she’s trying to think of something else to say. “Weird art but ...”

“Cheers.” Aaron says. He feels awful suddenly, really awful because this shouldn’t have been the way she saw his house for the first time. “Do you want a drink or —“

“You have a baby right?” Liv blurts out and Aaron blushes against it slightly. 

“Eve. Yeah.” 

“With ... Robert.” 

Aaron nods. “She’s upstairs. If you want to ...”

Liv looks all unsure about it and it’s the first time he’s felt strong for days. He stands slowly and walks towards the stairs as he hears her babbling away.

He feels weird when she follows him, when she comes into the room and Robert hands her over slowly. Her face seems to light up and she looks how he feels, overwhelmed by the idea of family.

He has loads but not like this, not through _him_.

She holds her, even rocks her for a while and Aaron doesn’t feel like wanting to give up for the first time in a long time.

He holds Robert’s hand. He makes it through the day.

 

—

 

Andy comes back from whatever sheep festival he was preoccupied with. He doesn’t know anything about what’s happened so he chooses to ignore Robert when he sees him in the cafe with Eve and Vic.

He’s ignored Eve’s whole existence for seven whole months now so it’s hardly surprising. 

Vic must have a word though, because he knocks on the Mill hours later and his face is all different. He doesn’t look angry, he looks shocked and helpless against it as Robert cautiously answers the door.

“I didn’t ... how’s Aaron?”

Robert’s mouth turns dry, he isn’t even angry at Vic, but this all feels strange and artificial. His face must give it away because Andy says he wants to know.

“Asleep. He had a rough night.” 

“So you’ve got ...”

“Eve.” Robert says, a little louder than he expected. “That’s her name. Eve.” He says it even louder now. “Your niece.”

Andy looks away. 

“You look like shit.” He says after a few seconds have passed, he looks right at Robert and Robert gulps hard against it completely. 

“I feel like shit.” Robert grumbles. “I know you want to see me suffer but not ...”

“Not like this.” Andy gets out in a whisper. It makes Robert’s head snap up. Eve crying manages to make Robert step away from the door and Andy stays there almost waiting for him to come back.

And he does, moments later, he’s got Eve on his hip and she’s holding one of her building blocks.

Andy’s not seen her like this. It’s strange to see him reacting to how big she’s got. 

“I know you hate me.” Robert says easily. “I know you’re back too, with Vic, and I ... I just can’t deal with any bad blood between us anymore.”

Andy stays silent. “You won’t get any from me.” He says as he looks at Eve and then up at his brother. “Tell Aaron that I’m ... that ...”

“I will.” Robert whispers, and it feels like progress or something.

 

—

 

Aaron screams the place down as he twists in the sheets and Robert can’t calm him down from this one. He loses it, he punches out and hits Robert on the nose. 

He bleeds a little and it doesn’t matter but when Aaron comes round he looks devastated.

“Oh my —“ he blinks out tears and Robert wants to catch them all, make all of this just go away. “Robert, I didn’t mean to ...”

“I know.” Robert says, hands gentle against Aaron’s sweaty skin as he tries to soothe him back down. “Of course I know.”

He’s got a packet of frozen peas resting on his nose and Aaron scrambles around to help him but Robert just sighs and tells him it’s okay.

“It’s not.” Aaron raises his voice and Robert closes his eyes around it. “I hurt you. He was hurting me again and I thought you were him and ...”

“I’m fine.” Robert whispers, because Aaron doesn’t need to know he’s in pain, he needs him strong, it’s a thing he has to maintain until he’s alone and he can cry all he likes.

Aaron looks at him seriously. “You should take Eve and go.” 

Robert’s heard it before, time and time again actually but this hurts a little more than usual. 

“No chance.” 

“I mean it ... I’m damaged. You didn’t sign up for this.” 

Robert scowls. “Neither did you.”

“I can’t walk away though, you can. You can take Evie and ...”

“I’m not taking her anywhere. You love her, I know you do.”

Aaron nods desperately and wipes at his tears. “But what if it isn’t enough? What if I end up like him? What if I ... what if I —“ he stops, he pulls a hand across his face and breathes out deeply as Robert holds onto his back. 

“You’re the best dad.”

“I’m not.” Aaron says. “I’m flakey. I’m ... selfish.” He frowns. “You didn’t sign up for any of that. You signed up for ...”

“Sex with you in a garage one night.” Robert tries, he tries to make Aaron smile. “Then bam, a baby and a house and this.” He says, pulling Aaron’s hand in his. “Me and you and our little girl. He won’t ruin that for us.”

“What if he already has?” Aaron chews at his gum and tenses before Robert holds at his shoulders.

“He can’t break us Aaron. He can’t.”

After a few moments, he watches Aaron nod and then he disappears and comes back into the room with Eve. He lays her between them and when he touches her little hand she grabs on tight and he smiles.

He smiles and it’s the best thing Robert’s ever seen.

 

 

——

 

Liv doesn’t like being at home so she’s round there’s again. He doesn’t push her out the door but that’s only because she makes Aaron smile and that seems to be the only thing that matters.

Robert makes them lasagne and she complains about no garlic bread cheekily. Aaron just smiles at her, tells her to zip it. 

He loves her. He really does.

“Where’s Eve?” Liv likes her, Aaron called her auntie the other day and then he asked her if it sounded weird. She said it didn’t as she held her. 

“She’s sleeping.” Robert looks up towards the ceiling and then watches Liv nod, ask if she can see her later. “Yeah of course.” He says.

She doesn’t necessarily like him, he can tell that she’s still really wary of him but maybe that’s what to expect when your own dad is a monster. 

“Is it true you got shot?” Liv tilts her head and Aaron tilts his head up awkwardly. He looks at Robert and he looks right back at him.

“Yeah.”

“And they thought it was you?” Liv looks at Aaron. “Because you two had an —“

“That’s over with now.” Robert says hurriedly. “In the past.”

Aaron blinks quickly. “How do you know about that?” She looks away and Aaron scratches his head. “He’s trying to turn you against us.”

He says us and Robert’s heart flips.

He’s talking about Gordon and Liv’s face reddens, she says she understands, she says she was just curious.

“We’re together now, that’s all that matters.” Robert says, he has a hand against Aaron’s knee under the table and watches Liv nod.

 

—

 

Liv likes her milkshakes, Aaron’s ventured out with her towards the cafe and Bob’s given him a slice of cake on the house like he’s five. He just frowns, and Bob backs away.

“It’s free cake I suppose.” Liv says, she bites at her nails and runs a hand through her hair. 

“Pity cake.” Aaron bites at his nails, mirrors her before putting his feet up on the sofa and rocking Eve a little in her pram. 

She’s been good, patient. She’s a baby but it still counts. He keeps thinking about how lucky she is to have Robert.

He coos over her for a second, he feels himself smiling and when he looks up again Liv is sober. Her eyes are flickering and she looks like she’s holding something back.

“Out with it.”

“With what?”

“Just go on.” Aaron sits up a little more, decides to be brave about this.

Liv stays silent for a long while. “What if he’s found not guilty?” She asks and Aaron feels something inside him halt. He thinks about that all the time. He lays awake at night just thinking about that.

“Then ... he’s found not guilty.” Aaron shrugs slowly. “Doesn’t make us a liar.” He says after thinking about it for a second too long and becoming defensive. 

“I know.” Liv says hastily. “But ... what about me?” 

Aaron’s confused for a second and then he leans forward and holds his hands together. “You’re going nowhere. Not when you’ve just come back in my life.” 

She’s a nightmare, she breaks eggs with one hand and gets it everywhere and she’s still weird around Robert sometimes but she’s his. 

She lets out the smallest smile and Eve claps.

“See. Eve agrees. What she says goes.”

 

—

 

Adam’s annoying. That’s always been his biggest problem, but Aaron loves him like a brother and he stops him crying.

So he can stay.

And stay he does.

Vic’s way of helping is bringing around stews and cakes like someone’s died and Robert knows that it sets Aaron on edge at first but she’s only helping. 

“This’ll do you until next week. I know that’s going to be hard.” Vic mentions the trial and Robert turns cold against it, Evie’s sleeping on his shoulder and he’s thankful she doesn’t see his reaction. She’d probably start crying. 

Hard is an understatement but it’s not about him, it’s about Aaron who’s currently beating Adam at some video game and laughing. He always seems to be okay around Adam, Robert doesn’t want to be jealous about it like an idiot. 

“And then it’ll all be over after that.” Vic smiles faintly and looks like Liv, young and naive about everything. He just nods at her and she squeezes his arm, tells him he looks exhausted.

“Aaron’s not been sleeping.” Translates to the fact that he’s not been sleeping either, he woke up yesterday on the floor because Aaron had pushed him away. He rubbed at his eyes and heard Aaron call him back into bed, apologising quickly and running a hand through Robert’s hair.

“I could take Eve, you two could ... chat or I don’t know, not have her to think about it.”

He’s thought of it himself, because everyone wants to help them with her. But Aaron’s got other ideas. He’s scared of letting her go again considering the last time that happened she ended up in Gordon’s arms. He explains it to Vic and she crosses her arms over and nods.

“Adam’s keeping him busy. He talks to him about stuff.” She looks over her shoulder and smiles warmly. Robert tries to do the same.

He keeps it up until it’s gone ten and Adam’s stayed for dinner whilst Vic’s gone to work. 

“You should be going no?” Robert asks, a small bite in his voice and Adam seems to get the hint. He nods and takes off the speakers, looks for his shoes whilst Aaron looks like he wants to kill Robert.

He’s used to the look, he’ll deal with.

“Bye munchkin.” Adam squeezes Eve’s cheek as she waves a hand out towards him and then he hugs Aaron. “Call me if you need anything yeah?” 

He goes quietly and Robert gulps hard, sits down again and Aaron keeps scowling at him.

“What?”

“What was that?”

“What was what?” Robert says, a hand against Eve’s stomach as he tries to get her to sleep. 

Aaron shuffles awkwardly, claps his hands together until his knuckles turn white. “Chucking Adam out like that.” He says.

“I thought we could ... talk.” Robert shrugs. 

Aaron looks like he’d rather be electrocuted. It’s great.

He stands up and goes towards the kitchen, getting out another beer and then opening it quickly. “Don’t want to talk. Just want to play some stupid games with my best mate and ...”

“You talk to him though.” Robert blinks. He waits for Aaron to say anything but he doesn’t. He just keeps drinking and then he finally shakes his head.

“He’s my best mate.” 

Robert frowns. “I’m your boyfriend.” It hurts, all of this isn’t meant to even be about him and yet it hurts. “You can tell me anything.” He says heavily. “Especially about ...”

“Maybe I don’t want to.” Aaron says. He puts his drink down and his sleeves race over his knuckles and hug tightly. 

Robert looks down, bites at his lip hard. “Because of everything I’ve done.”

“No.” Aaron wipes at his eyes quickly. “Because I don’t want you to see me like that anymore than you do.” 

A mess, crying his eyes out, worried and nervous and hating everyone and himself.

“I don’t want you to end up hating me for this.” Aaron lifts a hand up towards his temple and Robert feels his heart twist.

He shudders, breathes in and out shakily and then walks towards Aaron. He cups his face, Eve now sleeping against his shoulder. “I could never hate you.”

Aaron’s face is wet with tears. “You’ll get bored of this. Of me and my stupid head. I’m sorry.”

He keeps saying he’s sorry and Robert keeps wanting to make it all go away for him. 

Robert blinks. “I’ll never get bored of ya.” He says. “I love you.” He whispers. He looks towards Eve and then back at Aaron. “We both love you. So you can tell me anything okay?”

Aaron holds at Robert’s neck with one hand and then his eyes flicker. “Say it again.”

Robert frowns and then smiles faintly. “We both love you.” He whispers. He wonders if Aaron ever doubts that, if he doesn’t think he’s deserving at all. 

“I love you too.” Aaron rests his forehead against Robert’s. “So, so much.”

Robert believes him.

 

—

 

He corners him, barges into the house and snarls when Aaron tries to push him away.

“Just watched Robert leave. So it’s just me and you for now.” He’s in his _home_ , it makes Aaron shake. 

“Get — get out of ... here.” Aaron backs towards the wall and Gordon starts walking around the place. He picks up a picture of Robert and Aaron, goofy faces and Robert licking Aaron’s ear like a weirdo. 

“Aw.” Gordon picks it up and then puts it down again. He moves towards one with Eve. “This one’s nice too.” They’re holding her, laying down on the grass and she’s trying to reach for the camera. “She looks like you.”

“Put it down.” Aaron says heavily.

“You were a good baby. Then your mother left, then everything went wrong didn’t it?” Gordon turns towards her. “You and your misbehaving.” 

Aaron blows out a breath, suddenly stands taller. “I was a child.”

“You needed seeing to.” Gordon shakes his head. “That’s all.”

It feels weird. This whole conversation makes him feel sick but at least he’s admitting it. 

“Like that? You know what that makes you.” Aaron holds his head up. “A rapist. A child abuser.” 

Gordon’s eyes flicker. “You’ll never say that in court.” He says. “You can cry to your mummy all you like but you won’t ever have the guts.” He leans forward and smiles. “Because I made you spineless son.” 

It burns through Aaron.

 

— 

 

Paddy comes back from wherever he’s been the very next day. He’s not got a tan so Robert doesn’t think it’s been anywhere far but he does have a stupid hat on and he bangs on about being sorry.

He’s not been around for Aaron after his whole life practically exploded in his face. He’s a cheat, not that dissimilar to Robert on that front then. 

“I had to ... well of course I — I had to come back and see ... well not see but just ... not just see but be here for ...”

“I know Pads.” Aaron says, he traces a hand across Eve’s back and pulls her away when she tries to reach for Paddy’s glasses. “I’m glad you’re here.”

Paddy rubs a hand across his bald head and then shakes it. “You’ve had to deal with this ... all by ...” 

“I’ve had Robert.” It sounds heavy in his mouth and when he says it Paddy just breathes in like he’s biting back so much, so hard. “He’s been ... I can’t even describe how he’s been.” He closes his eyes and feels warmth. 

“Good?” Paddy’s never going to seem certain.

Aaron holds Eve up and she bounces restlessly. “Amazing.” He says. “Couldn’t have got through any of it without him, not with her n’all.” He strokes her hair and she smiles at him. 

She still smiles at him and he doesn’t know why she doesn’t hate him, or isn’t scared of him after everything he’s done. 

“Well I’m ...” Paddy huffs. “Not glad but ...” 

Aaron doesn’t expect him to be. The ‘but’ says it all. “I know.” He half smiles.

“You’re going to beat him.” 

“Paddy...”

“I know it’s not as easier as that. But —“

“I’ll never beat him. He’s ... it’ll never be like that.” Aaron frowns around it, grows small as he holds Eve. 

Paddy’s hand falls on his knee and he flinches slightly before breathing out and looking embarrassed. “I just meant that — he’ll be found guilty and you’ll get justice Aaron.” 

He sounds so certain and Aaron just wants to believe him. 

 

—

 

Robert isn’t sure about it. Aaron’s decided to go back to work for a few days and Eve’s hanging around with Adam at his and Vic’s as his brother in law likes to say. 

“Are you sure?” Robert says, arms crossed over as he thinks about his meeting. He needs to leave basically and Aaron’s still taking his anger and frustration out on a car.

“I said yes a million times.”

“I didn’t believe you. Not after him ... being here.” Robert says softly, he comes closer and holds Aaron’s arm for a second. He drops a piece of copper and Robert sighs, relieved. “I can put her off, stay here instead.”

Aaron just looks up. “Don’t need a babysitter.” He says, no bite in his voice but tired eyes tell Robert he’s had enough.

“Maybe I want to see you hauling around bits of metal?” 

Aaron gulps. “Not like you’ll get any joy from me though is there?” He mumbles, head tilted and Robert sighs. He remembers last night, Aaron frustrated with himself about not being able to do anything in bed.

“Aaron ...”

He looks up and sighs. “Forget that.”

Robert nods. “How about we take Eve to the swings when I get back? Weather’s nice and hot isn’t it?” 

Aaron twists his lip. “Yeah.” He whispers, the idea of them with Eve always makes him perk up. “Okay.” He says. He even smiles when Robert kisses his cheek.

He isn’t smiling ten minutes later though.

Robert comes back to see him backed against a wall and Gordon shouting in his face and instinct takes over when he pushes the door open. He hauls Gordon off and holds at his face as he pins him against the wall.

He sees something, almost fear in his eyes. “You don’t know who you’re messing with.” He says darkly and Gordon just looks over his shoulder at Aaron.

“Got him well trained. Thought you were more of the brute mind.” He says and then he looks Robert again. “He’s turned Liv against me now too.” 

“Am I supposed to care?” Robert says but he finally lets go of his face and Gordon leans away from the wall. “You’re not supposed to be anywhere near him.”

Gordon smirks. “Just wanted to have a word, see if we can sort this out before he’s embarrassed in court.”

Robert closes his eyes, knows that’ll get to Aaron. The whole idea of having to go through all the details again and again. “You don’t scare us?”

Gordon scoffs and looks back at Aaron who’s still frozen against the wall. “Don’t I?” He asks and then he leans forward andRobert’s eyes flicker. “Maybe you don’t know who _you’re_ messing with?”

“Oh I do. Some sick old perv.” Robert spits.

Gordon steps forward. “Now now ... don’t speak about Eve’s grandad like that.” He says and Robert loses it, he pins him hard against the wall, Gordon makes a sound and then he pushes back and Robert groans as he’s twisted and he thuds against the wall. 

“Don’t! Don’t hurt him.” Aaron finally says, watching Gordon lean over Robert menacingly.

He turns. “As if I could do that?” He tuts and then eases off. “I’ll see you in court then. Be ready to lose yeah?”

He leaves. Just like that. 

Robert hates how much impact he has.

 

— 

 

He watches him all night, he’s scared he’s going to do something and Aaron just has to watch him in the bathroom getting the razors out of the drawers.

“‘M not going to hurt myself.” Aaron says. He makes Robert jump and place the razors back down again. “Even if I wanted to ... and know what to use. It ain’t in there.”

Robert slams the drawer shut and sighs. “That’s reassuring.” He says. He runs a hand across his face and shudders. “I just want ...”

Aaron hugs himself and then gulps. “You can’t make it go away.” He says. “This feeling ... it’s ...” he’s starting to dig his nails hard into his hand and when Robert comes closer, he moves away. “I want you to make it go away.” 

Robert edges closer and this time Aaron lets him hold his hands. “Aaron ...”

“I was meant to be better.” Aaron twists at his lip. “Better than this. We were meant to be perfect now.” He holds at Robert’s face and his hand shakes. 

“We should tell the police what he did.” Robert whispers, he’s been asking him ever since he left but Aaron doesn’t want the hassle. “He deserves —“

“I just want to forget it.” Aaron sniffs, he leans closer and his mouth opens around the way his face is so close to Robert’s. He breathes out and Robert shudders slightly as they stay there. “Make me forget ...” 

Robert freezes around what he’s trying to say. “You’re not ...”

“Don’t tell me how I feel.” Aaron blurts out, a hand stroking over Robert’s belt before he finally kisses him, slow and soft and yet filled with something. 

Robert lets him kiss him until he’s sprawled out on the bed, he lets him take his jeans off and everything and then he sees Aaron’s hands shaking slightly and he pushes him off. 

“I’m not letting you push yourself for me.” Robert wipes a hand over his mouth and tries to calm himself down.

Aaron’s eyes are glassy as he kneels on the bed. “It’s not about you. All the time.” He snaps. “Why can’t you just trust that I’m ready for ...”

“Because I know you.”

Aaron looks away and then twists his lip. “Or you just don’t want me anymore and you think it’s a good excuse.” 

Robert runs a hand over his hair.

“Let’s face it, I’m not who I was when you met me am I? You know how broken I am now, can’t hide that from you.” Aaron wipes at his eyes and then gets off from the bed. Robert feels something punch in his stomach as he watches Aaron walk away.

“I still catch my breath when you smile at me Aaron.” He says and he hears Aaron let out this small little sound. He sees him stare up, eyes wide and filled with tears. “Don’t think I even know how to change that.” He whispers.

Because they’re still new parents, Eve’s probably going to demand attention in a few minutes. And they’re dealing with a court case too, Aaron’s child abuse tainting their happiness now. It’s enough to make anyone look at their partner differently but it hasn’t happened with them. It just hasn’t.

It makes Aaron come back to him, wrap his arms right around him and bury his head into Robert’s neck. He says sorry, he says it over and over again and Robert kisses his head. 

“The trial ... I don’t want — I’m so scared.” Aaron’s hardly ever like this and it just makes Robert cling tighter to him. 

“We’ll get through this together.” 

 

—

 

Aaron stands with shaky hands as he does his tie in the mirror and fails. It gives Robert the chance to swoop in, working his hands quickly and then pressing a hand down on Aaron’s chest. He feels the steady beating, the way it takes over everything else around him. 

He feels almost lost in it or something. 

“Cain’s here.” Robert says. “Vic’s having Evie for the day.” He’s talking yet noting is really going in, he’s just lost around it and aaron keeps his head down. “We’ve got this.” He says, tilts a hand under Aaron’s chin so that he’s looking right up at him.

“Okay.” Aaron whispers. He sounds so small, so fragile and that keeps up until they’re in court and he’s having to stand there and tell everyone what happened to him. 

He’s so small against the way he’s having to speak, the details, the stories. It makes Robert want Gordon dead. He wants to lean over and throttle him. The feeling only gets worse when Aaron stands there battling against tears.

“He hurt me so badly.” Aaron chews on his lip. “‘M not lying about that.” He shakes his head desperately and Robert doesn’t understand how anyone could even dream of not believing him. “He’s tried — tried taking so much from me but he won’t win. I’ve got a family.” He turns and looks right at Robert and the feeling inside him grows. “Who I *love and he — he hasn’t destroyed that. I’m not scared anymore.”

He ends it like that, no further questions and everything and Robert’s never been more proud of him but it isn’t the end. There’s so much more to go. It’s only the beginning and yet on the way home, Aaron already looks battered against it all.

He’s exhausted, eyes flickering slightly as he leans his head against Robert’s shoulder and stays quiet. 

He only really comes alive again when Vic hands Eve over. He holds her and plays with her toys and she grabs for his beard, it makes him smile and then he kisses her little hands and asks for Robert to come and join them.

He’s standing with Vic at the door. “How was court?” She asks, because she has to really and Robert just nods awkwardly.

“Plenty more to get through but he was great.” Robert says. He sighs when he thinks about it being his turn next, his hands feel clammy against the feeling of messing it up. “I better go see if he’s okay.” He says. 

Vic gets her jacket on and then looks back at her brother. “Andy said to tell ya he hoped it was ... he’s thinking of ... you know the situation.”

He supposes that means something. He holds onto it as he joins Aaron and Eve on the sofa and hears the buzz of the television fill the room.

“Aaron, today you ...”

“Not now.” Aaron says. “How did we make something so beautiful eh?” 

“Genes I suppose.” Robert holds her back as she leans over a little too far and then smiles. “Should we give her a bath together yeah?” 

Aaron blinks. “Yeah.”

 

-

 

He doesn’t mess up as much as he thought, he just gets upset on the stand and that means he’s shouty and a little emotional.

He hasn’t let any of his anger out, not really. But this feels like he can’t do anything other than just spill out how horrible it felt to hear what he heard when they ask.

“He said he’d never told anyone.” Robert closes his eyes. “But he told me and I believed him straight away. He wouldn’t lie about any of that, not him, not my —“ He steadies his hand and gulps. “We’ve got a little girl, best thing in the world, and he thought he could get to her too.” He says and then he looks at Gordon. He’s frail, he looks worn out but he still smiles. “Well he hasn’t ruined him, or our family, and he never will.”

It goes without saying but Aaron clings to him at the end of the day, he holds his hand until his out the car and then he runs to Eve who’s crying in Diane’s arms. 

“Today you uh ... you were a credit to him.” Paddy looks like he’s swallowed a bee and Robert just freezes around him in shock. 

“I was just ...” Robert waves a hand in the air and Paddy nods.

“There for him.” Paddy says.

“I always will be.”

Robert watches Paddy wave goodbye to Aaron and Eve and then he’s going back with Chas and Cain. They’re alone again and this time it’s Robert who feels drained. 

“Thought I was a bit ... emotional.” Robert says when he sits Eve down on his lap and Aaron pulls at his tie and disappears further into the sofa. “When I spoke today.”

“You were great.” Aaron says, he rubs a hand across his face. “I ... you were amazing up there.”

“Was honest.” Robert shrugs, stroking Eve’s hair as she grabs for his tie. “It’s going to be okay you know. He’s going to get sent down for this.” He’s not sure why he’s so positive and determined now but he is. “He’s going to pay.”

Aaron looks up, and Robert instantly knows something’s up.

“What’s with the look?”

“Nothing.” Aaron mumbles. Only now Robert’s thinking of that chat he saw him and Chas having when they were leaving and the clogs turn in his head. “You just ... you’d do anything for me.” 

Robert nods passionately. “So would you, for me.” He says, and then it dawns on him. “For God’s sake Aaron, I’m not going to kill him.” He stands, sits Eve down on her play mat as he walks towards the kitchen and hears Aaron follow him.

“I’m not saying that. It’s just ... in the past ...”

The Past. Well that says it all really.

Robert freezes a little. “In the past I’ve ... you’re saying I’m capable then?” 

It’s exactly what he’s saying, only Robert doesn’t understand why doesn’t believe he’s changed. For real. He’s not that person anymore, he never will be again. 

Aaron nods, his face is coloured with regret and yet he still nods. “I know you’d do it out of love for me and ...”

“I’m not that person anymore Aaron! I know what it does, I know how I can hurt and I’m not doing that again.” Robert breathes out, realises that he’s got caught up in his emotions again. He tries to compose himself, breathes deeply once more and then leans back against the wall. “Tell me you know I’ve changed?”

Aaron gulps. “I’ve seen it. You’re so different. I know that but ... I know —“

“What I’m capable of? Of course you do. Coming up to a year ago I had you tied to a ...”

“Robert.” Aaron almost cowers underneath the memory and Robert feels even worse. 

“I need some air.” He says, because he needs to get and breathe against something other than shame. He doesn’t expect to run into Andy by the graveside. 

He’s talking to his mum, he hasn’t bought flowers or anything but he makes himself at home on the floor and sighs against how scared he is. He keeps it up, the rambling and the worry, until he hears Andy’s voice nearby and he spins around.

“Don’t think mum’d think you’re a monster.” Andy says quietly, he’s got his hands in his pockets and he tilts his head when he sees Robert. “That’s what you were just on about wasn’t it?”

Robert nods slowly. He doesn’t know whether he has it in him to argue or anything like that so he just stays quiet. He looks back at his mum’s gravestone and then he finally speaks. “Aaron thinks I’ll have Gordon killed for him, if he doesn’t get sent down.

Andy doesn’t say anything, he doesn’t look surprised and that says it all really.

“Does anyone believe that I’m trying not to be an arsehole anymore?” He shouts, wraps his arms around himself tightly and then feels Andy sit next to him on the ground.

“He said that?”

Robert wasn’t expecting a chat. He tries to compose himself against it a little and then he sighs. “Said that he knew what I’d do for him, what I’m capable of.”

Andy looks down at the grass. “Can’t really compare that to this though.” That is Katie. It feels weird when talking about that in any way with Andy and not feeling a punch to the face. “This is you protecting your family from a scum bag.”

Robert’s eyes flicker and he sort of sees the point. “I wouldn’t do that though, not without Aaron wanting me to anyway.” He’s not an angel, he’s thought about killing him, sending someone else to kill him but he’s always stopped. He never gets further than the idea.

Andy nods. “Well let’s hope you don’t have to do anything. Verdict’s soon right?”

“Yeah.”

“He’ll get justice. Then you can ... get on with being a family man or whatever you call yourself these days.”

It sounds a little like a dig but Robert doesn’t care. “Eve’s dad. Aaron’s boyfriend.” He says.

 

—

 

Aaron’s sorry when he comes home, he’s waiting for him on the sofa and Eve’s asleep in his arms.

“Didn’t want to put her down in case you rang the bell or something.” He sounds all nervous and then he sighs. “I shouldn’t have listened to what my mum was going on about. I know you’re different now, you love me and you’d never ...”

“I wouldn’t do that Aaron. You’ve got to believe me.” 

Aaron holds his face and then kisses him gently. “I believe you, I’ve got your back okay?” 

“I’ve got yours.” Robert’s resting his forehead against Aaron’s and he breathes deeply. “Always.”

“Always.” Aaron whispers back.

 

—

 

Gordon’s a piece of shit who spins his own stories, leaves Aaron numb and hollow and bed bound.

“He shouldn’t have gone.” Robert says, Adam’s trying to coax him out of bed with the promise of FIFA but Aaron’s stuck. He’s just stuck and Robert has to wait it out again.

“He wanted to face him.” Vic sighs.

“And hear those lies? Again and again? He didn’t need it.” Robert worries, he panics around it until Aaron’s finally asking after him and he goes in quietly. “It’s me, Robert, it’s okay.”

“I’m not leaving you.” Aaron says, and Robert’s heart falls to pieces around it. 

“I know.” He whispers. “He’s just made everything a little ...”

“Fuzzy.”

Robert kisses Aaron’s knuckle. “You take your time, we’re all here, we’ll all wait.”

He’d wait forever.

 

—

 

He feels like he’s going to be sick, like someone’s kicking his head in and asking him to recite the alphabet at the same time. 

It’s awful.

Robert’s got a hand on his shoulder but he can feel him shaking too.

He’s had dreams, nightmares about this exact moment for years and years and it’s been nothing short of unbearable.

All the attention, the looks, the way a whole bench full of people can take one look at him and sum him up in two words: Abused Child or Compulsive Liar.

He’s branded either way, he’s terrified either way and Robert’s constant reassurance falls away as he waits for them to decide, to speak. 

They decide he’s an abused child.

They decide Gordon deserves eighteen years for it all. 

He’s guilty.

Guilty.

Chas jumps up and down, she clings onto Cain and cries. Paddy removes his glasses and squeezes Aaron’s shoulder tightly. He’s sure Adam’s clapping.

But all of that is tuned out by the hand on his thigh. A steady weight. _Robert_.

“Look at me, it’s over.” Robert whispers, Aaron can see the tears in his eyes and the way his face reddens around it. 

He feels that. He feels something and it has nothing to do with Gordon.

 

—

 

They’re having a small thing in the pub and not calling it a party but Chas might as well start dancing on the tables. Everyone’s happy, but Robert knows that Aaron isn’t.

It’s not the case of being happy. It never was.

He’s at the Mill. In the front garden, kicking rocks and scuffing his nice shoes. Robert comes over, Eve in the pram chewing a toy and staying relatively good. 

“Thought I’d find you here.” Robert sits slowly, blinks out as Aaron stares ahead. “What you thinking?” He asks.

“Not a lot has changed.” Aaron whispers, eyes hooded. “Still feel ... the same, for a second it all went away but it’s back.”

Robert nods. “It’ll take time.” He says. “There’s no pressure. No time limit to ... to how you react.” 

Aaron looks at him for a second. “Do you still think about what your dad did to you?” He blurts out and Robert’s eyes flicker. “Sorry.”

“No it’s fine.” Robert pauses. “Yeah. I do. It used to be all I thought about sometimes and then one day ... it wasn’t.” He says. “It comes and goes.”

Aaron sniffs. “Just want this to go.” He says. “Just want me and you and Eve. Nothing else holding us back.”

“You’re not holding us back.”

Aaron sniffs again, this time he rubs his nose with his sleeve and Robert’s heart thuds. “I make you both so sad sometimes.” 

“It’s not your fault.” Robert says quickly.

“If I was normal then maybe ...”

“Don’t you dare.” Robert knows he’s on about how dark his mind can get, how unhealthy his thoughts can be. “Please.” He whispers.

Aaron nods a little. “I’m going to see someone, a counsellor or whatever. It hasn’t done a lot in the past but I want to try again.” 

Robert smiles. “Good.” He whispers and then Aaron’s phone goes and he sees that Liv’s text. She’d shown up late, hadn’t seen him get sent down or anything and Aaron had to tell her himself. It wasn’t great to watch her cry. “Is she okay?”

“Wants to know if I am.” Aaron shakes his head. “She’s just a kid, I should be asking her.” He huffs.

“Well she loves you.” Robert rocks the pram slightly. “Invite her around for tea tomorrow if you’re up for it.” Aaron wriggles an eyebrow.

“You don’t get on.”

“Well... she’s alright.” Robert shrugs. “And if she’s your family ... she’s mine too isn’t she?” 

It feels like it means a lot to Aaron because his shoulders relax and he sends a text before dipping his head down on Robert shoulder. 

“I couldn’t have done any of this without you.” He’s said it before. He’ll say it again. Robert won’t believe him.

“You’re the bravest person I know, of course you would have.”

“You make me brave.” Aaron says.

“And pregnant.” Robert smirks. “Can’t forget that fact about me can we?” Eve gurgles on cue and the atmosphere softens almost instantly. 

 

—

 

Two weeks later he comes home to find Aaron half asleep on the sofa and a half eaten pizza on the table.

Bliss then.

He carefully removes his shoes and comes closer towards the sofa, leaning over Aaron’s legs and settling himself down on Aaron’s shoulder. It gets Aaron stirring and he smiles weakly at his boyfriend.

“You’re back. How was the meeting?”

“Good. They loved me.” Robert whispers.

“Everyone does.” Aaron rolls his eyes and thinks about everyone singing his praises in the pub the other night. Cain says he’s a good bloke now, Chas constantly smiles at him, Paddy buys him pints. He’s been there for Aaron through the baby and now this and come out the other side. He’s a good man apparently. 

“So do you.”

Aaron pulls a face. “Sometimes.”

“Try again.” Robert has a hand on Aaron’s side and digs a little.

“Don’t.”

He does though, tickles him until he’s flapping about like a little boy and Robert stops. He watches Aaron lean towards him, still laughing and holding a hand against Robert’s chest.

He looks into his eyes and then kisses him deeply, like pulling at Robert’s hair and moaning deeply and Robert realises what’s happening very quickly.

“Aaron are you ...”

Aaron helpfully presses himself against Robert and then shudders. “Take me to bed then.” He whispers.

And Robert does. And they have sex twice, with Aaron ending up on the floor and Robert nearly out the fucking window.

It’s been a while. They have excuses.

Aaron trials a hand across Robert’s face now, kissing lazily and trying to wake him up again as he tugs at him and laughs into Robert’s tired mouth. He keeps stroking until Robert’s eyes roll back and his whole body shudders forward. 

He didn’t know he had it in him again tonight but Aaron’s keen to pull out all the stops.

“Think I’m satisfied now.” Aaron says, slumping against Robert and sighing.

“I should think so.” Robert runs a hand across his hair and pants hard. 

“Well obviously that yeah but also with meuh ... still doing it for you.” Aaron looks at Robert awkwardly and Robert grabs at him until he’s flush against his skin.

“You always will.”

Aaron frowns slightly. “You could have easily run a mile. We’d only just got together again, properly. We had no clue what we were doing to begin with and then bam ... a trial and ... me not getting out of bed for days.”

Robert strokes Aaron’s cheek. “You never left me again, not after the first time.”

“I couldn’t.” Aaron says passionately. “I don’t ever want to be like that again, Chloe’s helping me though.” His counsellor is a heavy presence, he doesn’t know for how much longer but he doesn’t need to know yet. “And you.”

Robert dips his head shyly. “As if.”

Aaron feels something bubble inside and he shudders before he speaks. “Remember when we were at the first hotel we ever stayed in? You pinned me down and said I wasn’t going anywhere and I froze.” Robert clearly doesn’t remember, the devastation dawns on him and Aaron panics. “Just for a second. And then you looked down at me and smiled, you just smiled and then you kissed me for no reason. Just to kiss me and I melted.” Aaron's eyes almost twinkle and Robert’s heart rate returns to normal. “You made it have a different memory. You do it all the time.”

Robert blushes bright red, his eyes flickering as he leans over and kisses Aaron hard on the lips. 

“I love you, you’ll never know how much.” Aaron says, his hands shake slightly. “You and Eve are _it_ , I don’t want anything else.” 

Robert nods softly and kisses Aaron again. “We’re going to be okay.” He says, he means it.

 

—

 

They’re by the swings, Eve’s babbling away and shouting now and they’re still up to their eyeballs in dirty nappies but it’s better.

It’s colder outside. The sky is darker and the sun isn’t out anymore but they’re better for it. They’ve had a kind autumn and the winter is gentle too.

“She’s going to freeze love!” Chas has a massive coat on and Aaron takes Eve out of the swing and then smiles as it starts snowing.

“Rob, look, come, she’s never seen snow before. Record it!” Aaron’s one of those dads now and Robert loves him.

It’s freezing now but Eve’s in so many layers that she won’t even notice. Robert captures her face, the soft little look and her blue eyes catching the snow as it falls quickly. She looks mesmerised.

“Your mum’s right love.” Doug says, he’s appeared out of nowhere with those pearls of wisdom again. Robert’s not embarrassed by how much he respects the old man anymore now. He’s like a grandad to Eve and the way he takes her from Aaron proves. “That’s it petal, you’re alright with me aren’t ya?” He says.

Aaron comes towards Robert as he stops recording and elbows him. “What you thinking about?” He asks, silly bobble hat on which is almost identical to Eve’s.

Robert smiles. “How much I love you.”

“God you’re such a ...” Aaron stops himself, gives in, leans over and kisses Robert softly. “I love you too.” He whispers.

Robert’s so caught up in it that he misses Vic calling him from hers. They’re having some family meal for Eve because tomorrow’s going to be hectic enough. It’s ridiculous, she’s literally only going to be one tomorrow but apparently it’s the biggest deal in the village. 

She’s a Sugden and a Dingle so everyone knows about it. 

“Come on.” Aaron holds his hand out for Robert who takes it, holds on without a care in the world. It’s not always been like that, but he knows who he is now. He likes both, he likes Aaron the most. He’s bisexual and it doesn’t change a thing about him. The world still spins, Vic still bakes him cakes and Andy still speaks to him. “Before Eve falls asleep listening to Doug and his carrots.”

Robert smirks, holds his hand. “Yeah, let’s go save our daughter.” He says, laughing a little as they go and the snow stops falling around them.

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you liked this, i really enjoyed writing it! half way through i got an idea for a last instalment of this fic which will be the most angsty and dramatic but it is just an idea at the moment so if you would be up for that, i'd love to know. anyways, let me know what you thought of this, thanks again for reading!


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